Go ahead, call me Crazy. For giving a shit, and telling the truth. Go on an write it down, I said it was ok. Because that is my point. It is crazy. That after all I have been through, living my life without my Mama, could and does, still love her. Call me crazy. For a love like that, it makes me wonder too. That each day, her essence still surrounds me, and her absence still stings me. Call me crazy. It feels crazy to defy the odds so naturally. It feels alone with such a love bursting at the seams to be opened by the one your were sent to first. To enjoy the child raised by another, with the other woman by her side, as the friend that she truly is, I believe be an honor of any woman loved as I love my Mama.
Many reunite. This is a true statement. But can they truly reunite with their Mama like I am reuniting with mine, mind, body and soul. I am within her and yet without her. We are still deeply connected, and this time of adjustment has been very rough for Mama to navigate. Mind you, she is navigating. But she’s been having some sleepless nights. And some tears. I am praying for Mama to get over this. All the past, our past. So we can move on. Mama need not be left out, or over looked, not on my watch. Both of my Mama’s matter and that they realize that is key to our success, equal partnership this time.
And yeah, that sounds crazy? Right? But what else is there to do? Go back? To where? I am beyond the parameters of Adoptions rules. I mean I made it home, per say. I found my birth Mother, Mama, and now I am back with my people, so Adoption is obsolete. The deal has been undealt. I am the Black Jack to this hand.
Let me ask you a question-
Has someone ever told you something about you, that you could not prove was a lie, and yet could not ask your Mama is it was true? People tell you she didn’t love you. That she never cared for you to do such thing to you. They ask you why you want to find her? Hell, I ask myself, and only God is the answer. I prayed, and God lead me to her. Call me crazy, that I say God did that for me, but God did. But its not fun going through life having people throw these questions in my head by saying my Mama did not care or love me, to find her acting like maybe she does not? Like wow! Blow my mind, were those people right?
Mama, where they all right about you? Is my love for you crazy? Am I your daughter crazy for loving you my Mama? Even if you think I am crazy and I know I am not? Adoptions crazy girl. That is what’s crazy. You and me back together, that’s God Mama, that is God. You said you wanted this squashed, ok, the lord delivers it.
I don’t give a shit what you call me, just call me. ok?