Imagine if I felt all this?

What did Mama feel like? Was it such a walk in the part for her? Well. I dare say no, I don’t think so. That’s one thing that’s run deeply into our relationship. Mothers and their children bond. No argument can refute that. Why are we putting children mentally untrained into such a drastic arena to test this strong bond? What is the reward to do this to our future generations in the trillions! It’s Pandemic.

This is the invisible holocaust of bazillions of children’s being ripped from there Mamas womb and thrown into homes with strangers! Centuries, of children have had to go and do this and no one has questioned this practice and answered the questions why? Is this good for the children? Tests that we Adoptees know deeply. We know those reasons, we have lived them. This is not judgement. This is honesty. I know. You thought this was better. This tears us all apart. Humpty Dumpty is what we are if Mama doesn’t want ya home. She was not told about me coming home, so she’s not having it and apparently, Mamas to busy? Thanks for letting her just run like this. Thanks for making me chase my own Mama down to set her straight.

So strange to be a part of such a complicated arena such as this and wake up in my 50’s to the pain that’s always throbbing through me, yet was so intense, I felt numb from it? My Body seemed to say clean it up. My mind need to account as to why this bodily system was having some kind of regurgitation situation. I have been most upset at it and at dragging my own self into the mud to prove some kind of higher point? Being me is so lovely. Lovely.

My body is speaking to me. I am telling what it feels like. My body’s not happy that I was separated from my Mama. My mind gets that she did not like me, coming to be born is such a unorthodox way. She seems to have attached he angry feelings to me and that in turn makes me angry.

I imagine that much of my seeming issues are linked to some stuffed issues with Mama and me. I’m digging to find it and forgive it. I dig within me and ask for guidance. Go home. No place like home is what I am getting. But where is home? I feel conflicted in true resolve. I feel that this is a relationship issue. And relationships consists of more than one. If Mama won’t relate, then she’s having a relational issue with me. No one helps us. So she stays the same. This stays the same.

Is it hard for folks to see they play a part in my relationship with Mama? Do my family not see the part they are playing? Will the part they play help them in the end? Do they really know what Mama wants? How could they after truly realizing she’s been lying for years to cover me up? If she hated me? Why would she protect me? It’s work counseling yourself.

My story sounds off. Your right. What do we solve for? The hidden variables. And emotions run high. So emotions are the first to need addressing. We have to bust emotional bubbles and pimples. Pop pop pop. Ok. Now let those ooze and release. Then you have to include any hidden variables you have that need to be seen to help this make sense. I’ve lived a lie too. So learning to walk in truth calls for balls and vulnerability.

Imagine what it feel like to be lied to and to find our from the daughter you gave away? That’s huge. She’s needs my love to steady herself as the truth finally surfaces to show her that Adoption was just a rearranging of what was because what is bleed through. I want healing for that in her. I want this thorn to be removed. That’s the pain she feels right now. It’s God shining light on the pain through me, as God pills the thorn loose.

And I am someone who’s usually ahead by 3. So this may be aiming early to aid her in the adjustment. I’m getting snips and prices as I follow God’s lead and type it here. It feels like God’s takin me back to heaven is through the emotions we shared at birth. It’s like God is healing the birth energy we both experienced, which is pain, sadness, grief, anger, longing, these emotions need to be truly processed between us, due to the fact that we shared them. I was part of her for 9 months.

A child can feel when it’s Mama, no matter how far away, or how long they have been separated, needs this kind of healing. And I am no slacker. There is a method to this madness. God is madness to us at time. And that when miracles happen. When we see God and remember God sees all and know our highest good. I see that in my life and what I’ve learned living Adopted.

I also see that an opportunity is here with me and Mama and Mama Jean. And I see all that was in the way of us to truly exemplify what the triad could look like. That it does not have to be like Mama and me. That we need to plan better. Implement support for families. So that families can be stronger. I am stronger. My family is stronger. And yet together, but not. We say, United we stand and divided we fall.

It’s time to unite. We need to stop divide ourselves this. It’s to had to go home after this kind of war and Your done serving. To to hard when your Mama has had to love her life like she never knew you for fear of god knows what. She never should have feared me. I came to love her.

Imagine how it feel to now know that? Who’s the victim here? That’s who I wish to bring healing to. That part of her that’s so deep, it took God using me to get to. No one else could see. All Mamas need healing that have relinquished. Yes. Delivered to them from the child is my view. Now. God showed me that I could. And opened the doors so I would.

Thanks for diving deep with me today

God bless.

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