My mama may have not realized exactly where she sent me. She believed what she was told and it sounded fabulous. I imagine she felt relieved when this option showed up, and it sounded like a dream come true, for her and me, but she was mistaken to think it would be easy, and fun, for me without her there in my life.
I am the child, the variable, that Adoption did not notice in this equation of this removal and relocation. Adoption, one of the biggest businesses today, thrives on bad math, due to the lack of input from the variables themselves, us. You know, the one Adoption thoughts to save and make better lives for? Better? No, different? Yes.
Is it all a wash? No, we still have time to save the variables here, us. We still have time to turn the ship around and include the variables that are supposed to be bettered by this equation away from homelands and kin. But we got to get real about it an stop telling stories that are not back in truth, truth, from us, the variables who’s thoughts and feelings and rights have been taken and have not been considered in this intricate math equation of our lives.
Did removing me from my Mama’s math equation to throw me into another Math equation make my life easier, or my Mama’s? No, it just made it different and very complicated. Lack of support is a contributing factor here. No support is offered to anyone, unless they go get it themselves. That is a big gapping hole in a system that is trying to say they are about a child’s well being? yes, big. For me? Huge hole. I was left out in the cold by the blanket Adoption was supposed to be for me. My Mama knew it the day we separated and has been making up stories for years to compensate for her child being subtracted from her life equation. Her Math has been drastically off and she’s had to limp and gimp along life way without all her marbles, legs, and children. That is huge for a Mothers well being.
No Mama does well without all her chicks. No Mama heals after throwing a part of herself away. No Mama heals herself if she doesn’t realize her child is always a part of her, and yet different. We are the evolution of our parents. Our stories matter to our parents so they may evolve as well. Evolution stunted my family by removing me. I have much to add to my subtracted from family. Adoptions had taken my reputation and thrown it in the mud, stamped it and then left me there to have to make it right with my own Mama all by myself? Thanks Adoption for being so thorough. Not.
The movie Alice in Wonderland is a cake walk to what we Adoptees must maneuver through life with such a gapping whole in our history, our identity that is linked to that first history, and it makes our job growing up, harder with so much missing in the equation, its no wonder we go around and around in circles like cycles, we are missing vital math! And like it or not, nothing makes sense without Mama in the equation of our life and not one can replace her. Get a grip people. Look at the natural process called birth, she’s woven into us from herself! Makes me crazy when folks don’t know math and act like they do. Ive waiting many years to show these flaw in this math I have had to live for 50 years!
It just ain’t right folks! Look at it.
I like the part about fetal cells gathering at a wound site. I did that, to my mama, and so did you. We left pieces of ourselves, like bread crumbs within her. And so we naturally can go home, but it takes work dismantling the carnage of knowledge that conflicts with our hard earned experiences. And Mama’s want to be right, not left.
The flaw is in the system itself. Lack of forethought, and true analyzes of how the system is truly working is needed to fix this. My feeling is Adoption should only be the solution if a child looses a Parent, and then all efforts should be to place the child with family and train the family, and support them in doing so. If we want better families, then we are going to have to support the family structure instead of throwing it all over god creating thinking we solved it, I am proof we did not.
We don’t even make it pay to be Moms? That’s a problem here too. Moms get no awards here and yet they are doing such a good work?
As I blog each day, and my Mama reads, she learns more and more. She sees what I am saying to her and showing to her. And in the end, love will show her whats really going on past her failure to see. We live and learn and being a Mom is important. Mama thought it would be ok to give me away, that I would have a better chance. Chance for what? To become an Adoption Advocate and educate the world? Well, thats what she got. A research nerd for humanity, that is me.
Ive had no real college education.
I have tried the equations and found the flaw myself with living them and seeing that it does not add up. I don’t need a certificate to see that, just a damn good mind to add it up.
Like don’t try to tell me that Adoption helped me when I can’t go home and talk to my own mama after living like this for years? Don’t. Your going to have to do better than that. Dont tell me Adoptions equals love when my own Mama says she not my own Mama and acts daft in the head? You try driving all day with love in your heart and gifts for your family, to have doors slammed in your face and your Mama saying she is not your Mama? Yeah, try that and tell me you feel loved. Try driving all day with your boy and going to your Mamas to have your sister show her ass in front of your son, who’s not seen this side of the family he came from? You go with love to give a gift to your child, who’s now a woman, and have your sister boldly profess your “Unwelcome”. Then talk to me of love.
Love is me taking it from them, while still loving them so as they act mad as the hatter before me, their kin, blood sister, child. Oh, yeah Adoptions makes so much sense then. When the jig is up and your out of the costume they gave you long ago and all they see is an ugly pain ridden bag of nothing. Adoption, shame on you, we all go home. You didn’t plan for that, nor did you tell my Mama. You lied to her. The shame is on us all if we don’t see that.
The link above shows that my cells still live within my Mama’s brain and tissue. I will say, they are quite alive, you should see her squirm when I come to call. They want to be recognized and validated, and cherished, like all children do. Adoption validated my Mama’s fears, I was a mistake and needed to be removed, like a weed. And yet such mentality is flawed all around. Nature defies such notion, and demands that we come back to center on this vital issue of birthing and evolution of our species.
The place for change is in the mind of all of us. The place of impact is within our minds that need to realize the math of this Adoption equation has flaws and need to be altered to reflect the true math.
Lets talk about pain for a minute. What is pains purpose? Well, I see that pain tells us, don’t do that again, it hurts. We burn ourselves, and it hurts. And we are more careful next time we work with fire. Pain is like a dead end screaming, turn around! Pain says, stop! Pain demands adjustments in our mind to protect ourselves. Pain is an alarm, don’t go there. I felt pain like river on and in me. I felt pain screaming go home for so long, all my life. Go back, go home, do not collect 200 dollars, go home to Mama. That is an onboard alarm system designed to keep us with our Mama’s. And folks tell me to turn it off all day, but I can’t, we can’t. It is natural law.
Above is a list of the 7 natural laws here on earth.
Mama and I are working on the law of polarity. And you are learning from us. 4. The Law of Polarity (Mutable): The fourth of the seven Universal Laws tells us that “Everything is dual, everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree”. It is also the first of the mutable or transcendable Universal Laws. It means that there are two sides to everything. Things that appear as opposites are in fact only two extremes of the same thing. For instance, heat and cold may appear to be opposites at first glance, but in truth they are simply varying degrees of the same thing. The same applies to love and hate, peace and war, positive and negative, good and evil, yes and no, light and darkness, energy and matter. You can transform your thoughts from hate to love, from fear to courage by consciously raising your vibrations. This is what in the ancient Hermetic Teachings is called the Art of Polarization.
Rising Above the Law of Polarity: This Principle of Duality may appear to be very real in your life but it operates only in the physical and mental realms, not in the spiritual realm where All is One. As it says in the Bhagavad-Gita, “God is Above the Opposites”. By always placing the all-powerful, all-knowing Great Spirit of which you are a part behind your every thought, statement and action, and by always focusing on the “good”, even when things appear to be going “bad”, then in time you will rise above the Law of Polarity.
WE are rising above the law of polarity to find our equal ground in our now, accumulative truth. Meaning we are squaring up and showing each other our sides to show the whole of our relationship and many things have to go. Mama lived a polar opposite life as me and yet felt many of the things I did. Mama thought I lived like she thought, and I show her now, the polar opposite of what she thought.
I am sure my family thinks I am going to send Mama over the edge, and they are right. This ship is sinking, and has been sinking since I was 30, so Mama has to jump to a safer ship of thought. Mama lost her mind long ago when she relinquished me, but I represent the part of her mind she lost, and yet did not. I am a walking, talking, breathing encapsulation of her essence back then. I am like a snapshot, or precious gem of a thing, God liked, that God made sure she did not take wrong, so that when I was grown, she could see the true value of that woman she was back then. She has not really enjoyed the first part of that person she was, I am bold and firm in my convictions and have earned the strips to say I know from my hard earned life of living like she wanted me too, as loyal as a child can who’s forced to love someone other than the one they came from can.
Things have appeared to Mama, that they are going bad. She felt called out, by me, and by God who did not stop me. So did I Mama, growing up. I felt like a fish out of your water. I felt like a mole in society when Adopted labeled me. I felt bad. I felt like what is the use? I felt lost, without you. And I didn’t care to be found, unless it was you finding me. I long for you. Stop. Dont make me lie for your decision. Dont make me say it was ok, it was not for this child of Linda Marie to be- linda, without you. Damn it hurt. And I don’t like being tied to a pain like this.