Don’t kid yourself

Don’t kid yourself at thinking that I don’t know we all fear loosing our Mamas. Many have much time with them and time does not take her place in any measure or form you try to cram it into. The name I know is Adoption. But Adoption meant death of my Mama to me, and no one even helped me mourn her loss. I had to find away myself to mourn for her, alone.

Dont kid yourself into thinking that just because I was two days old I did not feel what was going down. I also knew my Mama was gone. And I learned that no one was gonna help me find her, or take me home to her. It was on me to fix this. My reputation was shot with Mama. So don’t kid yourself if you think I had a Mama, yep, I did, and I lost her.  Growing up adopted, says I lost my family. Dont kid yourself to think it means anything else to us kids. Loss, that is what it means. Any gain, we must fight for and work for, and the deck is staked against us.

DNA makes the differences in us all, and children that are kept having it hard when they are not like their Mama’s, but sending a child to a stranger is much more difficult to navigate. Like nothing makes sense. Making sense was important to me, and I did not make sense, nor did life make sense to me. When you want to make sense and life does not make sense? Well, good luck. So, don’t kid yourself.

So, don’t kid yourself into thinking, you won’t be touched by adoptions loss. There are trillions of us, you are going to be touched. Our loss is the worlds loss. If we don’t get this one, we will have to pay the universe back for all the mess we make moving children around mindlessly. Dont kid yourself if you think God can’t see. Ive given myself to God, God sees through me. God feels through me what its like and still we don’t listen. WE just do what we want, and to hell with rules or higher law.

Don’t kid yourselves, one day loss will catch up to you, and you’ll know how I feel. When your Mama’s gone and you can’t get to her, or hear her voice and have a hug. You’ll know then what I felt at two days old, going home without Mama. image-9

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