My morning practice.

I love these postcards from spirit. These would be called divination cards.

Relating to God. Sounds like God if Divine is in the word? How is it that the church says it’s evil? And people say it the Devil? Wouldn’t it be called devilination? I mean it’s told all kinds of ways in the church. But I went there to see for myself and all I see is God? If you realize that God is all and all is God? How did this fearful teaching come to be in the church anyway?

I feared tarot cards before God showed me it was ok for me to go there and learn about it. Isn’t that more of a fear tactic? If knowledge is power and the church tells us to stay away for knowing these things? That’s not god. If salvation seals us then what gives? Either we believe God is all or we don’t?

I was confused for sure about it. But when I took myself into the world of what is called the occult? All I could see what God? And I also saw how people in churches use the word to insight fear and that’s not ok. People who follow God who is infinite have no need to fear anything. If they believe? Do people believe God is all? Well, not everyone for sure if preacher are preaching fear over their flock. God wishes us to be knowledgeable so as not to fall into fears net. I faced my Mamas fear about it. There is nothing to fear is what I learned.

I want to have an influence on the world and to tell my story about growing up blind and learn life backwards. I didn’t know who I came from. So the only thing that linked me to my roots was my body. And growing up not really knowing why you are like you are is interesting. And Ive learned about my natures without Mama laying her shit on me all day. That was good. But what a shock when I got back home and had to really look at it and help her clean her mindset up a bit about me.

We always hope our parents are better people. And Mama is doing better. But she’s not alright. She’s done good with what was left, but her equation is missing me. So things these days don’t add up anymore and she’s upset about it. Adoption lies to her and she’s all turned around because obviously, I did not get the memo. Damn. But we can work with what we have and clean up what’s not working now.

Mama had to twister herself into a pretzel to live without me. She had to say this and that to tell herself this and that to go on without one of her children. She had to believe it was ok. She had ideas about what ok looked like and I don’t really match her ideas. But that’s ok. We don’t have to stay there. There are seeds of change already within Mamas garden and all she needed was some of my saved tears to water them. They are growing and she feels it. It’s strange to her after so much time has passed to have her girl coming in so strongly. But, after she’s over what everyone else things, and at the end of the day, she’s a little wiser and a little more grounded in my rock of a love to Hold onto.

  1. Sure. My rock of a love busted mamas dream. And mine. What will God do now? I can’t wait. God is so good at this kind of stuff. God got me this far. I’m excited to see what God will do with my truth and also what will grow from this cut point. See when you trim trees, the cut point grows more limbs from where the one was cut. After the old limb has been cut off, three or more limbs come back and create fuller branch patterns for shade and fruiting. I’m excited to see our new growth. God is the supreme gardener.
  2. Sure. God tears down what we think. Even me. Who knows. I may not need Mama after all this? I don’t know? I just know I did not like being like I was and holding it all in for the peace. Mama should not have to hold it in either. And no one needs to give her shit but me about it. It’s our shit to clean up. Folks can be supportive and encouraging. We need that. Adoption made a mess for Mama with me and she’s not happy about it. She’s pissed!
  3. Sure. Adoption thinks it’s god. But God is God. And adoption is a free will issue. But as you can read here, I paid for Mamas free will so it’s not free. Our wills affect each other. Mama did not know that at 25, and has just now learned that in her 70’s. She now sees the affect Adoption has had on her child. She did not want to look at that. But God wants us all to learn here and Mama needed to know my truth experienced.
  4. Sure. We can say we have free will. But I learned that we have a will, but it’s not free. When Mama relinquished me, I learned the price for her decision and I paid it with my life without her in it. Damn. That hurt like hell, not heaven. And don’t ask me to be grateful you didn’t abort me. Just don’t. That statement boils my blood and is so ignorant. People there is the first choice to go back and consider and support. The child stays with the Mama if you want them to grow up like others. It’s key to our well being to have our Mamas support and if Mamas need help? We help um. Just flip it.

It’s like this.

Babies come.

We support that.

We learn to do better

We let go of shame

We encourage and educate girls to be wise woman who realize the gift they have to give forth life and that it is ordained and blessed by God who lifted up Mary so we could see. But do we see to act as we do with the gifts God send to woman each day? No. Many fret and worry and micro manage. Does our view of children really serve us? Do we not see how we treat the future generations affects the future? What is this madness?

And also, we teach boys how to really treat girls. And girls to respect men and not fear them. Respect themselves enough to learn to defend themselves and teach men themselves. We need not run around and pay people to protect our Children? Listen. It’s a big cluster fuck right now and many changes need to happen. And it’s really not that hard to change how we see it. But it helps if we look at what is right now. And then go from there. Adoptees are not getting better lives without their parents and supposed stigma is not removed by sending us to strangers to be raised. It’s a way better idea to keep kids with parents and change our support system to reflect the knowing that it is always best for the child to stay and for Mama to get help learning how to be her best for herself and her child.

Adoption just puts off the inevitable. We always go home.

Thanks for stopping by and diving deep into the pool of my mind to learn how I see it.

I hope I’ve shown you a side you may not have considered and that I have expanded your ideas about what Adoption meant to me.

God bless.

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