So. The first card is so affirming. It says let yourself be led forward and let the seeds of positive intention take to the wind. To spread seeds on ground that has not first been worked and generously mixed with manure and allowed to set and and replenish the soil, no seed will grow in unprepared soil. The soil that receives us ready for the seed.
I’ve had to plow this field called Adoption to break up the ground, the foundation. To break up the mindset with my drastic truth. As drastic as it felt to me. Which was quite drastic as you can read and experiences to this day! I still feel the reverberation of the trauma. I pray for my
Body to be able to release this most disconcerting disruptive emotionally upsetting roller coaster ride energy. I’m tired. And my Mama can’t seem to see that? What the hell. I’m affected. What do you want me to do? I’m affected. It’s cause me disruptions. I work hard to maintain. And my body reacts. It’s seems to be getting worse and I would like my Mama now. I feel her presence is the key to me settling down. But maybe God has another plan. I would like it to stop. It’s quite upsetting to feel all over the place but it’s all I’ve known. Mama wasn’t there to help me. I am just like this.