Here Lord. Take that too. I’m done with feeling left out.

Go on have your fun without me then. But this shit hurt. I’ll heal. Don’t worry I’ve got good DNA on both sides. And even thought my parents did not get along in life? They do within me. They are a good team genetically speaking. But yeah. I was looking for Gramma Roush to say a goodbye I did not say at a service because I really did not feel welcome by my family. And I mourned alone. Again. Same with Jack and Phil. I wanted to sing and pay respects but felt to anxious about my families lack of engagement with me. Remember, ” they have each other, they don’t need you belinda”. Those are hard words to swallow. They cut like a razor and make me bleed inside for our family. Still didn’t find her grave. I sent her love anyway. I spoke to her the day she died and thank her for leaving on the day I came. I was honored and yet sad. Twisted. So Lord, take this wounded heart about my Gramma and heal it cuz Mama can’t see. Help me rise above the pain of this loss. Thanks. Use my truth to help others. Amen.

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