Donโ€™t even tell me.

It just cracks me up! Like I don’t watch these everyday. But when I feel lead to, it’s like God taking to me, everywhere. I have such a deep trust in God guiding me through life. Without Mama, I had to trust God with everything. Including her. And it appears to me? That this is what God wants for she and I, but Mama seems to need some convincing? Maybe her faith has been sagging from lack of exercise? Don’t forget to spiritually exercise Mama?

You can’t block God silly. You blocked! Not me! Boom! Take that one! And go to your Knees. I never got off mine! You dare to stand in the way of what God joined together? And birthed from you? Home and family! Yes. Authenticity. Yes. Truth. Yes. Ugly. Ok. Get it out so the good times can flow, block! You show it by what you have done to stop this exchange between us.

I discard the old garment before you here. As a child washed in the blood. I show you my humanity, we all are walking a human life as spirits here, birthed from the breath of God.

I hope I’m getting through and the channels clearer now. I would like to speak to you. Is forgiveness something you are able to do? I’ve forgiven you. But the world needs to know how to do better. Your part of this story. I won’t cut you out. I learned your lesson. You can’t cut Mama out.

Message me..

Am I coming in clear? I want to hear from those of you that see what I am working on showing people? Adoption is the topic.

And your stories matter I regards to change. Think about sexual harassment and abuse? Look at how woman come together to expose this practice of some men. This is our time to come together, not to damn what was provided, but to take a moment and be in this moment and ask ourselves some questions.

Like

With the amount of Adoptees coming out and speaking up that they felt differently than what Adoption promises, and Implies it can promise something with little support for it truly to be better. We prove that. I went home. Many others have gone home as well. It’s natural and needs to be planned for.

But that’s the thing?

Yesterday didn’t plan for today now did it?

Oh Lord forgive us for what we do not see ahead of us. Help us see beyond us to tomorrow. Give people eyes like you’ve give me lord. Help us overcome our thoughts that are not in love. Allow people to see themselves in me as I show them how to be vulnerable and know that grace has my covered. Thank you Heavenly Father and Earthly Mother. Amen

You?

Do you want to go home? Do you want to finally be supported to be with your Mama and family?

And for us all to work in doing that?

Let’s reverse this tide!! With equal and opposite force our truth brings the balance needed about this vital issue of beginnings. Better beginnings better everything!

So message me! Let’s talk and get started!

Strange? Like I am shocked!

Let the sound of my shock ring that we even can read this? And that someone was in a human catalog? That’s for organizational sake? Humans? In catalogs like seeds?

This is what I want folks to freakin look at!! ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿ‘†We need to stop the train!โœ‹โœ‹โœ‹โœ‹

What did she write again? I’m having a hard time reading that and believing she was the commodity of the day? Her life is worth more than that? God sent to who God wanted to be her Mama. Why did society fail this mission? Again and again?

Are you seriously going to even try to argue with a survivor of this kind of legal human trafficking? You need to know exactly what you did to us! So pay attention and listen up!

We the grown commodities have a few things we want you to see, hear and feel. So you can learn what we learned and how it felt to be a commodity that no where does it say that we are? And yet this goes on still? It’s time to grow up and learn about the natural laws we break when children are moved for no reason stated in any code book or bible was how we should do it? No where does any wise book say give your babies away and make money doin it?

The laws of the land conflict with natural laws!

One natural law is law of attraction. Like attracts to like. Placing children away for their clan causes our natural attraction to who we are like to go into overdrive! As mine clearly are at this time. I am very triggered right now and feeling my birth energy very keenly. I feel this energy is driving me to speak and to be heard. A perception change is due. I wish to be at the front lines to usher this needed perception change in. I’m done with white washed ideas pulled from thin air and I want to see truth and a world that reflects that knowledge and a work that is diligently doing something to change this for children all over the planet. That would make me feel way better. My soul came here to feel this with full force and to report my findings. I’ve given my report with the energy I received these hard earned truths. You can’t call all of us crazy. Trillions and bazillions of us! Silent for now, but not for long. Let it ring. Let it ring! Our time has come to tell everyone. Especially Mama. She deserves to get it from me first. I owe her that. Not even if it hurts, but, because I know where it hurts and this is the only way to make it better. Pay it forward. It stops with us Mama. The world will support us now. I am making sure of it! Let not one put asunder what God brought together within you, birthed her and now is grown. I’ve got your back. I’ll make it better. And leave this world wiser. My grand babies deserves that. We need to love kids and keep them connected to the trees they came from as long as we can. Moms matter and they have lessons to teach. I want my lessons from Mama too. Especially. I don’t want to miss a lesson and hope it’s going to be more fun than this? Anyway. This is personal and can not be separated again from my Mama. This is about Mama. To me. She matters. And that should not be a shame on this not working? If anything it shows the resilience of humans being able to adapt and yet a connection to Mother stays strong. My hearts beat because of hers. I feel that kind of homage deeply towards a her contribution for me. I don’t know about anyone else? I do t think I could have made it. My body took a huge hit. I felt it very this most deeply. Like being thrown into a cyclone. I had good days. But it seemed to come back around again and again and knocked me on my ass over and over. I came clean because my body just could not hold it in any longer. It was killing me. And I want to live beyond reporting this and helping change come. And I want my inner self to calm down. It’s been very nerve racking to go here, but when it’s time to clean? I clean. Toothbrush and toothpicks and bleach of truth. The sucker punch that hit Mamas just now being felt. She’s been numb too. And all jammed up inside and wishing it would go away too. I GOT YOUR BACK Mama!! I know I’mCrazy. But I get it done! Xo

Tweet. Tweet.

Thanks for over looking the typos. I would be 267 by the time I go back all day. I will not give up on getting better with typos. My life feels like a big typo. adoption said this and it should have read like this.

Anyway. We are discussing this topic on twitter today. And things are firing up. Many have quite pointed observations which I feel are need to light this Issue that is so dear to our hearts up as Adoptees. Each traumatized girl seems to intensify my own trauma and it is disturbing no one In The world considers how this affect affects us all.

I knocked on the door, of Mamas house standing next to my son. The tension in the air between us was palpable. He was holding space for me while I witness this gruesome site as I tried to work with the energies of my family as w reunite after so long. Much time has passed and it’s time to turn the heat up and flip these truckers on the rear.

I mean obviously they have no idea who they are dealing with. My children know who I am and that I have been Most patient during this time and have been listening to all the complaints and moaning of my family. So silly how the label Adoption can really turn folks around. I’ve been turning people around my who life educating them one at a time. Practicing and getting strong at understanding how folks get turned around and what constant they have overlooked in the life equations to make the math add up.

I mean Mama evidently thought I was kidding when I said I was the professional here back on some blog post? No. I’m not kidding my dear. You made your psychiatrist. And your match. You can fight me all day Linda Marie Brown. But we could simply drink tea ,or wine, maybe talk or cry if we need too. Have some laughs after all that. Laughter is the best desert.

You can keep talking to whom ever you are talking to that is leading you to chicken shit out. I think you and I both know who that is? And pay attention in this our class. I’ve been paying very close attention to you. Don’t kid yourself. You are surrounded with groupies who have no backbone to stand up to you. Guess I took all the backbone. Good for me. Smart girl.

Why waste good backbone. Make some yummy soup and Use it on Mama. Sometimes you need a bad bitch who’s got your back and is willing to stand up and give support for what we know is the right next move. I’ve delved into our past to glean from it to assist. I feel very connected to you right now. Not the ego. I’m past that point. I feel your essence strongly. Our connection is divine. I’m within you sending strength with God’s help. Always.

There are many things going on at once with you and I. You are adjusting to my truth. That is huge. And my truth is causing the old truth to be deleted, along with the disturbing emotions around that truth. I have dispelled many ideas you had about me and how I feel and felt about it all. That’s a great place to start new. Don’t you think? We’ve weathered the storm. You knew was coming, cuz you knew the force you started it with. Fire and passion.

I bless your union with my father this day. I bless you my Mama. Let that sink in. Drink it up. It’s yours to have and nourish you. We have work to do. A good work.

And somehow. God saved a little for you. Or me. Or whatever however. It’s in the cards for us. I have a good feeling about this and want to validate that this does not feel good and that we need to get together to get this new started.

Can your Ego take it? If not then we definitely need to get together. Cuz that Egos got to go Mama. And the old memories and emotions surround our old got to go. I your daughter have activated this process and stand within divine process with you in this. There is no turning back now, only forward, together, hand in hand now, not just In Spirit, flesh of your flesh and bone from your bone. Real.

Our time was meant to be. This is our divine moment of returning to each other and a settling up in our minds so the math will make sense with all these added variables you and I could not see because our surface truths did not match. And yet our internal ones were spot on. Identifying the quarrelsome thoughts that pledged us both was the task. Why not? Why let sleeping dogs lie? Dogs are more fun awake and chasing balls and barking then asleep.

I’ve learned a many things to be able to come home to Mama. Tried and true. I know what works in the end, not what can keep things covered, but how to expose it and bring healing to it. I’m a mind gardener I guess? You can call it many things. Somehow it’s a gift from this?

And we’ve come full circle. Mama and me. We smacked into each other in the hall that leads towards the light. I scared her. Cuz she did not realize, that I was walking that closely with her because her naked eye could not see me. I had to write it here to identify it by feelings to show her I know and see. And am here to assist. Fuck anyone that says different. That energy has to GO! Now! In Jesus name. Amen I rebuke this energy in my family in Jesus name! I call the Holy Spirit to cover us all. Fill us all. Bring unity Holy Spirit. Now. Amen. Thank you Holy Spirit. Forgive us. Help us to forgive ourselves. Amen.

Oh. Mama couldn’t see what God was doing with her girl. I imagine she can see now. Folks gonna call me crazy and tell me to get professional help?! Ha! I’ll show you a professional. When I am done. Healing comes from honest communication. A block is like a clogged artery. Blocked must be cleared whether in the mind or in the arteries.

Why would God not do this for my Mama or for any other person? Grace covers all. But what was the all. My Mama is the kind of person who wants to know why. So she can learn and grow. She studies books. To fill her mind with knowledge. She is a good person. That’s is why I am going here with her so she can work it out in her head. So she can see and have it all add up right. Even thought her calculation felt right at the time. She’s needed me to alert her if the omission of me that makes the whole problem crash down. I’ve got the new calculation which will add up and feel better.

I know. So amazing to think God trained me to do this? But it’s true. I’ve studied human nature and psychology my whole life. I had too. And while you pass the time waiting to grow up so you can go find Mama, a person can learn a lot and also put it into practice. Practice practice practice.

I have helped a lot of people. Maybe just a little. But a little can lead to a lot of changes with one turn of a dial. Many times my words do just that. They cause someone mind to click and they somehow get something they haven’t before. And it’s amazing to watch the lights go on in people minds. Those aha moments. I think that’s how God trained me to learn all this was to show me what it can do and it does give you a good feeling to know that by opening my mouth and allowing God to speak to someone through you is extraordinary as the divine takes the wheel and speaks words that come from you to this person.

And without Mama removed from my life, god could teach me this. My issue has been that Mama seems to not think I am great. That’s is what I work to right in her mind. Seeing me for who I am and that I have worth to her and the family. I see the adjustments have been rough for the family had solidified and lacked pliability of thinking. They lacked what I know from experiences. And my words were both shocking and upsetting to realize.

Just as my new world was to me as a baby.

We all gotta grow up sometime and lay aside the fairytales and look at our own fairytale. Is this what Mama truly wants? Her daughter blocked and for her family now to show signs of disfunction? Hell no. I know my Mama well enough to see she’s stuck and needs assistance. This is a big task with so many players in it.

The natives have been restless. And it time to squash this with love and unity. No slackers allowed! This weigh has been heavy for Mama and me. And it’s time the whole family carries a piece to take to the dump. Mama deserves that. I will not be seen slacking on recognizing my own Mama needs. This needs to be wrapped up. Do I have to drive up there again? How many times people? Do I have to spend my Money driving up and down the road trying to fix this while you all just ignore, or exasperate this?

Don’t kid yourselves to think Mama don’t see that shit right there. She sees. She’s is praying for us all. I am unable to put this Genie back in her bottle. Ok. So get used to it. I’m trying to get used to your weird ways? What sisters don’t love another sister? Mine. What sisters are reclusive and stand offish? Mine? What sisters do a Mother daughter weekend and exclude their reunited sister? Mine. No shopping. No chit chat.

I refuse to chalk that up to being Adopted. K. Not gonna go down that road that many do. They throw it in the Adopted can’t do pile. That’s not me.

I am my Mamas daughter and I don’t give a shit that her name is not on the birth certificate I now have. She’s written in my heart.

I refuse this label. I made it home and found my own Mama. She’s my Mama!, too. She’s my Mama, too. I have a piece of her in me. And she precious to me. Too. I am no enemy except within your mind. It’s stinks and I can smell it clear down here in Cali. And I could have brought way more drama your way. Trust that. Way more. I’m being kind by not coming up there to deal with you all. My temper can be quite hot. I’ve worked on that for years.

But my anger is at the thoughts that divide us. I’ve learned this vital tool to cope with moments like these. You just had no idea. What you have meant to me. And coming home like this and to this has crushed me to witness too.

Broken…tell me about it

Broken is a word I don’t like

Broken means fixing needs to be done

Broken is not a nice way to feel

For a girls who’s Mama left her so long ago

Broken means a piece of You has cracked

And some kind of glue must be applied and tape to hold it in place until it dries

But it will not be strong in the place of the brokenness with mere manmade glues, unless God glues it back together it will keep falling apart at the stress point

I am certainly asking God my Father/Mother to glue me back together. I keep hearing, go home. God keeps giving me things to say on here. To say to jog her mind loose from its petrified state without me.

My flesh is weak. True. And vulnerable as hell right now. I want to run like hell from this thing God’s calling me to do, because it’s the right and not left thing to do.

And the folks I was around

Who raised me tried to keep me from seeing

That Mama broke me. Yes. She did. She’s broke my body by disconnecting me to soon. My spirit did not break, but has felt real close a time or two. But the grace of God. Thanks to that. My mind was not exactly broken. But I definitely took a hit to the left side of my brain. My speech was affected and my mental process is not like most. I seem to be what they call a circular thinker. I’ll put the link below.

Maybe we can learn about ourselves more. I feel that the records are within us. These bodies have great capacity for storing things. Memories linked to feelings. I’ve gone back somehow to my point of pain. Within me the memories are there. I followed the feeling to find the memories. I guess that is how and why I never got over Mama really. I kept going back in to feel the pain cuz I could not seem to love or feel loved. And my only comfort was pain.

This is not easy dragging all this up. But it’s got to go. I am no longer able to hold onto The pain. Nor did I ever want too. It was my first knowing here. Pain taught me how to live, and yet would drag me down again for one more toxic view of love. I had a real bad relationship with my Mama. And I wanted the chance to fix what Broke. Silly me. The Romantic of the bunch. Great.

Feelings on my sleeves. That’s what I was told. Your damn right my feelings are on my sleeve! My Mama did not want me! Do you read me? She did not want me. Do you know how it feels to be rejected from the one you were made from? No. I imagine you don’t. That’s the problem. How do you explain something so dastardly and cruel? To a world living on love? Or so they think?

My world was crushed the day I was born was the last day I ever heard her voice except from my own lips. I read to myself. I always have. I find I retain better and it soothes me somehow hearing my voice. I realize now why. I am a dead ringer for my Mamas voice. God is good to me. Even if Mama out of it right now. Pray she heals folks. If she and I can. Then we all can.

And I want this for us. For the tears to flow and our hearts to mend. For us to do the process and be the healers we know we came to be and yet where removed. We know the piece of family and what it feels like to be denied them. Let us choose love and end this with truth.

Love would say, children belong with there families, and need to be supported in doing so, with training and direction. Love lead me home to teach my Mama better than to do herself like that. So she can do better.

Lies are awful things. I’ve seen what they did to my family. I love so much. How it re-edited their minds into pretzels of dogma. Zombies, ignorant of the cost. My sister now knows. Go check Twitter sis. I’m there. As the numbers rise on voices coming out with the same news as me. Remember. You heard it first from me. Your sister. I warned you ahead of time dear sis. It wasn’t easy to see you all like that. No

I waited so long and held this all in. But God, I must obey. When God began to take me back to show you what I went through and to write it as it came up so you could feel the full affect and learn. Feelings say a lot. Mama recognized my feelings and said I was pushing buttons. Yep. I got the same ones? Funny thing? Go figure? I’m your kid aren’t I? Did You Think I would forget? Could forget? Nope.

Only forgive. All this is what I held within. Questions, turmoil, anger, love, longing, missing, am I making myself clear? But. god called me to clean deeper within. Clean conduit I kept hearing. Ok. Whatever lord? More cleaning. Yipee! But to know the amount of grace God has given me is to know the grace I gave Mama for doing me like this and not realizing it. Being lied too. Wanting to believe the lie so bad. You just want it to go away. It never will. And she only added abandonment too the original trauma. Great job world!

Thanks for taking care of my Mama while I was growing within her. Thanks for telling her I was stupid and would not even remember her. WELL, I DID! Ok. I’m old enough now to say this and my friends are old enough now to confirm that we remember many things. Many of them painful. I believe we all would like to reunite so we can clear our names and make some pleasant memories to take the place of these rags we are holding onto because it all you gave us?

We are loyal. Even when we don’t like our parents actions. We hope that you learned better while we were paying your debt to society by living without you. Can you parents not see that? We do not necessarily want anything, except what’s ours. I do believe that Adoptees should quality for assistance. It’s hard on our bodies and sciences will soon validate that statement of fact. We all have issues that inhibit us in some way after relinquishment.

And you might want to look at that colossal size check you all will be paying us to live for doing us like this. It’s just a matter of time folks. This is the earning shots. Shits about to get real. Mark my words. We as a nation now, under God I might add, are done with this bullshit. Get ready. It’s coming. The dumb now speak? Cuz we weren’t dumb. We were just young and naive. And Babies! Shame on all of you!

We need a mass confession to go up to sooth God’s nose on this one folks. The only intense to burn is change. I’m telling you truth now. When I get messages like this. It’s God. Not me. I want to go on vacation and make art and sing for a living. Not be an activist. But God will not leave me alone. So. I got to do this.

Even though down deep. For years and years. I am a people pleaser. But the people I want to please are in the future. They aren’t born yet. And as God as my witness, I do this for them at the expense of my own relationship with my own Mama. This shits got to change.

We can tell ourselves all day this is God’s idea. But that’s not true. Go read about Moses. A crazed ruler was killing all first born sons. A crazed killer folks, created Adoption. It’s pissed God off so much that Moses frees everyone. I’m gonna free some babies before they even get here! Damn right! I’m gonna activate change with my truth!

And my family best get on this train before they get left in the lurch like lulu lemon face looking like lions to be like this with me trying to change some babies lives! By doing what some souls should have done for me and Mama back in the day. I mean. Go on. Do what ya want? But you might want to come under this wing of mine. It’s gonna get rough soon. I want you with me and not without me like I was.

It’s gonna get real. So. Broken. Yeah. I got broke early. You take my Mama from me and crushed me. It took my breath away. Took my reason to thrive away. I am grateful for God, but why? So soon? So young. So attached and in love, did you sign off on this? Without even considering, I may not want that?

The first thing the doctor told Mama Jean was, “she got great lungs”. Cuz I was screaming with my little lungs, with no words telling Mama don’t go! She was making a mistake. I came to love her! Yeah. I know how I feel and don’t need anyone editing me again. I want my Mama. That’s is how I still feel. Time can fly by like a jet. Still want my Mama.

That’s one thing Adoption could break in me.

Thanks for diving so deep with me today

Spring cleaning of the Mind, body, and soul

I pray for anyone dealing with Adoption issue.

If you are considering adoption, please read this blog and don’t think you to good to raise a child feeling like I did. It’s just how it is. We miss our Mamas and it does not make us trust this world who couldn’t believe enough in themselves to believe for us, and find a way children can stay with who God sends them too.

God bless you.

I tried to tell ya Mama

I tried to tell my Mama what was coming. And that I was being called to speak my truth to make this better for children. I told her it was not possible for me to back off reporting how it felt growing up like this.

When God calls you to give your report, you just don’t make the same mistake as your Mama and hit the snooze button if life on God again. It’s not fun showing your Mama what was missed. And it no fun we she does not take it well. And her response is really telling if what I felt like now in reverse.

And this is not for her anymore. This report is for history to see what has happened while everyone was sleeping and Adoption ran off with the bag of children. We are grown now. And now you have to hear and read about how it went? If you don’t want to hear it? To bad.

We the children can now at long last speak. No ones going to stop us now. Rejection can’t get us now as we accept ourselves and do this vital self care by standing up for ourselves. You all didn’t.

People each day are making this decision in ignorance of the consciences to their child and don’t realize, their child will come back and ask them why. And that it and they matter. Adoption just makes it ok for parents to tank and it really ruins our parents reputations being lead around like sheep like this.

I mean Adoption is blind and leading our parents blindly if they have not done the research about how we felt? This is not professional at all. My Mama made this decision without my father even knowing. My Dad took the news way better than see did. But my Dad knew he was human. My Mama? Well she thinks she bullet proof. We will see if she comes out unscathed. I didn’t.

I told her that the family would be exposed. And that I could not turn back and that we needed to come together in unity. She’s so turned around that she could not even see this coming. Why in the hell would I be quiet? After 55 years and a messed up reunion that my Mama was not prepared for? Seriously. Is this how Adoption does it? Because from what I have experienced for 25 years of reunion? It sucks when your Mama told a line of bull and believes what she was told over what her own daughter says happened.

This kind of practice must stop. It is very cruel and hurtful to leave the children in such a pigeon hole to have to climb out of. And it makes the children the bad guys for telling the truth that Adoption did not and still does not see. That’s why we need to speak up. So our truth can drive this mad hatter idea out of the mind of an ignorant world.

My Mama knew she had a baby. And she gave her away. But she forgot who I came from. She forgot herself in me. By the look of how she reacted towards me? She would not have done better than me, being me. She would have been readopted and torn apart again and again. She’s not taking it well which proves Adoptions got some pretty big flaws.

My Mama does not like mistakes. Neither do I. She felt I was a mistake. Now she sees who the real mistake is. Adoption cures nothing and only extends the time of having to deal with it, which compounds the issue due to lack of an educated Mass of people who are involved in this three ring circus.

Now my Mamas got to deal with her daughter and what happened to her while she was away at the blissful adoption camp. She could have cleaned her mind up and kept me and seen the blessing of me. But now has to go back and reduce it all and deal with all that Adoption taught me. She did not expect that. It was just so easy back in the ignorant days. Those days are gone. I was schooled early in ignorance the day she did this to us.

Now I work to right the wrong done to us all by removing kids and not helping folks see children differently. The child should not have to pay any longer and should be a protected mammal. My Mama actually thought she was protecting me. She now knows she did not. She exposed me to a world without her and made me face it alone. And that’s not cool. No. It’s not.

And I for one am not going to allow this to continue. Even if it means my own Mama won’t ever speak to me. I am committed to the future now. I am committed to making alit better for another child, hopefully all children.

I find more and more Adoptees each day on Twitter. And our numbers are growing as more of us speak up. I want my sisters and brothers to find me and to find strength in speaking our truth so we, the ones affected can make this world like the world should have been for us.

So my Mama can stay where she is and keep her stand. Or she can join me to make it better.

Thanks for diving deep with me today

God bless.