Would someone turn the alarm off? Please.

These days my ears ring so bad. And I feel anxious and tense even though I am working on helping a woman and being the change I want to be which does give me joy to do. Believe me I enjoying helping people get to the next whatever. It’s thing for me. But my ears right now have this high pitches sound like some car alarm that’s just one note and nothing else.

It’s does take toll on me that Mama has not called me to begin anew. I work to keep my faith ya and write about them both her. High days and then low days. Hopeful days and impatient days. Up and down like on wave in an emotional ocean that keeps going up and down. And me riding the waves. Just riding and experiencing them.

That’s life for me. Waves of up and down. And I show my family that I am intelligent and realize this and they seem to not realize what it is I am saying? I am like this. I just ride the wave and so does Mama Jean. Everyone’s got ups and downs.

My kid started like that and my Mama was not there to show me it was wrong or whatever she trying to say that I am not getting it and it feels like abandonment and cruel emotional torture to deny me her care? And love? This is the ultimate cruelty from Adoptions own hand. Denied access is cruel when it’s your Mama.

For babies? This is cruelty at its finest to deny us our own Mamas and think we are so dumb we don’t know the difference? Come on man.

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