I am from my parents. Who made me in a hot mess of a time. But I am not my parents. I am me, from them. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves me always.
No matter whether my Mama can see this or not does not diminish my worth. I was born for a reason. I have a purpose here that is beyond my own comprehension at times.
I feel that speaking my truth is one reason. I feel that I came to be adopted. And I came to overcome all that Adoptees must overcome. Especially Adoptees who were privately adopted and are secrets. I feel ones heritage is key to ones rooting into life here. Without a past, where and what are we hear for?
Without a past to ground you, how can you fly? Say if you think your a chicken when in fact you are an eagle? How do you see who you are in a chicken? Our pasts, our heritage links us to our past which is our root system.
How can people expect a plant without roots to grow? Shipping’s must be places in water to grow roots. But children can’t live in water. But my tears for my heritage and my Mama grew roots within me. As I connected to my deepest emotions about me, I found my roots and my tears grew them. I found the place cut within me and my tears flowed down and nourished me.
I grew my Mama up in me. She grew up without the past to hinder her. She grew up with no old sayings past on. And the sayings said to me? Did not take and just pierced me like a thorn. God helped me pull them out and protected me from them taking root. I expelled them.
I came to the Lord when I was 16. And god touched me on the day I said the sinners prayer. God poured down a joy I had never felt before. I knew it was real and that God loves me as I took God’s hand that day.
I was filled with the Holy Spirit soon after and was given the most beautiful prayer language as I trusted God and let God take my tongue. I am grateful for this language. I use it in times of trial when I don’t know what to pray. God takes my tongue and prays divine will for me.
I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful to have my Mama in my life. She’s been a rock and my mirror to look into and see myself. I see her everywhere in me and in my life. I hear her voice at times and it’s amazing how strong is my DNA. It’s a miracle to know that God would do that to comfort me.
I may be foolish. But a fool is someone who doesn’t know something yet. And I’ve been a fool for Mama. I never will believe she doesn’t care for me. It’s just not in my DNA.