When I was young.

When I was young I used to climb trees. There were fruitless mulberry tree in front of the house I grew up in. And I used to climb as high as I could up into those trees. You may have spanked me for that. But you weren’t there to tell me no.

And when I was young I used to tell grown ups what I thought and felt about them and was not ashamed. Because you weren’t there to tell me know. I was an orphan. So no one stopped me.

I walked this world and have said what I please. Because you were not there. And so please excuse me. But you gave me this ability to do as I please. And now? You want me to do as you please? You did as you pleased? But I can’t anymore? Now, you want me to be quiet too?

I’ve played the quiet game my whole life. And now you want me to play it with you? What gives? I am 55 now and I was quiet and out of sight for 30 years? And then I was pretty invisible for 20+ years too. And you want me to just be quiet and go away?

Because that’s how it feels? Is that what you want your own daughter to feel? We are not like your friend and her daughter or son who reunited. She was glad to have her child back. You weren’t. And you weren’t even ready. How can we be like others when you push me away?

I mean wow. I am just not going away. I’ll always be your daughter that you gave away. But I can be your daughter that you gave away and who came back. And that can be a good thing. But it takes work. Does bread knead itself? Does the meatloaf get into the oven by itself? Does the salt through itself into a recipe so it will rise and be flavorful?

No. It’s does not. Bread must be kneaded and meatloaf has to be placed into the oven and salt has to be added to any recipe. And people have to work to have a good relationship. Yes. Meatloaf looks like a mess In The bowl. And bread is not delicious in the bowl. It tasted like paste. And recipes without salt just taste yucky and bland.

Also. Any of these recipes I mentioned need heat to make them truly taste good. Bread after baking makes a home smell so inviting. And after butter is spread the bread is so tasty. Without heat bread would just be dough. And meatloaf would just be a meat mix.

Heat is like work. And all recipes taste better after receiving some heat. Seriously. Mama. Must I be like this to get through to you? Must I? It’s just so annoying. To come home to you like this. I am an amazing person. Chelsie’s amazing. David’s amazing. Angela’s amazing. And they all deserve to have a family that’s better than we are being right now.

Giving me away gave me the freedom to be who I wanted to be without you. But. I don’t want to be without you. And I can’t unbe who I am now. I’ve been myself to long. Is there no way for you to stop holding such grudges? Is there no way into your heart? Did you. Seriously think that I would just lay down and blow away? Or do you like me like this?

Is this giving you pleasure? And if not? Let’s just call it a day and be what we are. Mother and daughter. As long last.

Yes. I am sweet as hell. But I don’t do well with my Mama rejecting me all day long and blocking me. No one does. And it rude. 20+ years and look at us. Own your side and don’t throw it all on me. It’s time to lay this shot down and for you to show up.

I wish I could candy coat it better. But seriously. Why I’m the hell do you have to make it so Hard for me? How many hoops do you have on the road to you? My time is valuable too. And I have saved time for you you silly woman. Yes. Silly. I love you.

And now you know what I look like when I am denied my Mama. You just twisted it all up. And it needs to stop now. Now. Show the hell up. And stop it. You have no walls and you are now standing In what was our old life. Which has burned to the ground. So. You are standing in rubble and look really silly. Silly. Chelsie. Explain to My Mama how I am when you don’t clean your room?

Forget you Chelsie. You suck. You know what I do Mama? I clean it. I clean it and throw all out that’s not needed anymore. Ok. So. There. Stand in rubble and look silly before the world nor get yourself dressed and call me or send me a note. Or drive to me. It’s time we move on. It’s time.

I don’t take no for an answer. The only answer is yes. And the only thing to do now is show up!

To much time has been wasted. It’s time.

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