Practice makes perfect. How can anyone be more like Jesus who hung on a cross for everyone’s missed marks if we don’t practice? From what I have experienced, Mama needs practice. With me. Her estranged daughter of 55 years. Our reunion was a fares. A joke. She was only playing like she took me back.
Why do I write such a thing?
Well let me tell you.
My first contact with Mama was more like her standing behind a door and telling me, ” yeah, I’m good, please go away”.
And that crushed me at first. Wow! I thought and prayed to god who lead me to go back to Mama, “are you sure? Lord, she does not want me back”. So. After than prayer and some prayer from a friend, I gave it back to God and asked that God let me go. I don’t want to go back to that.
But god put fuel on the fire he lite in me for her and my desire got bigger and bigger. I simply could not ignore what God was doing. And I knew I must obey. I must do what god lead me to do even if I had no idea how it would turn out.
Mama did not take well to God calling her back to her duty as My Mama. Nope. She felt Absolved of it. She felt set free by leaving me. Free as a bird. Until I came home. Yeah she stopped flying when I came home. And god grounded her at long last.
Another thing that shows me Mama needs practice is the way she has treated me as I tell my side of the story. Like hello! Not easy to do when Mamas not happy, but God spurred me on. And kept me going by sending people from her home town to where I worked at the time. Good people with warm hearts. God kept sending me signs and helped me go through doors to find out about her.
Mama Jean and I had issues and I now know who i got my willfulness from. Mama. I can see plain as day by looking at how she now treats me as the truth is out and she has no place to hide. None.
Another thing is her throwing scripture at me. Like scriptures keep me at bay? Like I am some demon returned? Nope. Only in your head Mama. Only in your head. You can run. But you can’t hide from God. When god calls you to a job? Good luck getting out of it?
The scriptures say I am a gift, not a monster. I think looking at me you see yourself and what you’ve done with what God gave you. Yep. And practice is what we need.
Mama knows scripture. But I heard her say to me, ” I had plenty of love for you, and you didn’t appreciate it”. Really? Love? For me? Is there a hole in your heart somewhere? Yes. There is. Did it drain out somehow? Or was your love just a joke? Agape love is forever and never runs out? As many scriptures and bible studies you read? How can this be?
You drink from the scriptures and don’t practice them. Mama. Look at me. One of yours and look at how you treat me? Conditional love is not from God. Love with conditions is not love at all. You thought you could fake it? Did you think God did not know? See? What’s inside that mind and heart of yours?
Well? I guess not.
But not all hope is lost. God’s still on the throne and can help you. God can help you practice agape love with me. Has not god loved you? Even though you did not accept his gift long ago? Yes. God does love you. God loves you enough to show you where you missed it. God loves us all enough to show us where we miss it.
Conditional love is from the ego. Unconditional love is from God. And no one, not even you can stop agape lives power. It’s blown me away at the love I have for you when you act like you do? Why is it so hard for you? You read scriptures all day? And yet you struggle to love me? Hmmm? We need practice. Looks like practice is our need. And practice is what I do. Love is not some fluffy thing, it’s rock solid and can not be moved by circumstances. I’m still here. Loving you.What’s your deal? And look what your teaching that family? Look. What do you teach my daughter? Hmm? She’s not talking to me? Hmmm? More of that good conditional love? Be gone! In the name of Jesus! Practicing what we preach is hard. I know. And a lot of times gone by and your way behind on practicing with me. Way behind. You have lots of lesson to be learned and so do I. But I’m showing up. Where are you? In the bathroom? In the closet? Where? Don’t give me this mushy mush about love is kind. Kindness is to tell the truth so people can see what they do. Jesus showed us that? Jesus died for telling his truth. Will you allow your ego to die? Or is your Ego so important? More Important than God’s word that says I am a gift? Hmmm? Look. I hate to be the buzz kill to your party. But your missing a huge opportunity to restore a part of yourself you walked away from. And as your daughter I feel Its my duty to tell you. It’s does not seem anyone tells Mama anything or they get cut off. And that just not ok. We girls deserve the best. I’ve been gone so your way behind on practicing. And I’m more like you than you think. And it’s time to practice. What you read. It’s time for you. To come clean and get a grip. To be like this? Is a shame on God’s holy name. Grace can only cover what we confess. I’ve confessed. Now it’s your turn.