I want you to notice the moms body language. How reserved she is. How she recoils from his embrace. She feels some deep feelings and it clear she not ok. She hopeful, but guarded.
And I want to to notice the fathers body language. Men do not carry children within them. They are kind of, contributors and the spark. And woman, are the place children are built from. Woman, who become Mothers and who relinquished have made a high sacrifice. And it so evident in this woman’s who demeanor.
My Mama shows a lot in her actions and in her lack of actions. And it’s a dumb child not to see that and want to do something to change it for the better. Cleaning my Mamas mental house of perceptions is a big job.
On one of my visits to Mama, I had an urge to clean her windows. My Mamas house sits in a place that the back window faces the mountains. I love the view. And so when I go to her house I noticed her windows were a little, I don’t want to say dirty, because Mama is an excellent house keeper. But, her back windows that span the kitchen were not clean and completely clear. So the view was interrupted with spot and smears. I imagine the cats slobber or just the weather had smudge them. I felt compelled to clean them for her. Which was an odd thing. But I did it anyway.
Later in medication I had a moment of clarity as to the meaning of my actions. Windows are like eyes. Windows are like perceptions and belief. And I feel I was cleaning Mamas windows as a physical act of clearing her view point so as to see clearly the beauty beyond her windows. Her perceptions.
- It’s not easy to tell Mama she was lied to. It’s not easy to gain her trust after so much time. But it worth it to me. I prove my love for myself in loving her beyond her perceptions of who I was and now am to her. I clear my own view when I clear Mamas view. And after we can see god in each other when face to face. It’s reminds me of Corinthians. And the veil between us. I feel the veil is our bodies-that Paul speaks of. And I consider it an honor to love a woman like her so much.
- To love someone who’s been done wrong is not easy. Especially if she made you pay instead of the one who hurt them. Loving is not easy. Hate is so easy. But to love in the midst of what looks like hate it a sacred calling.
- I may hate how Mama thinks of me. But I love her just the same.
- I’ve weather tougher storms that her distain and blocking. She blocked me the day she signed the papers to my Adoption. But she did not kill me, not stop me from living. So in a way, it was she who left her back door open for me. To come home.
Thanks for showing up here and liking my posts. Someone got to get the conversation started to change this. It’s might as well be me. What, truly, do I have to loose? Except my own respect in myself and where I came from.
God bless you.
You matter too.