Life that is. Life ok when your Mamas gone. But it does loose its sparkle a bit. Living in exile for years and not getting to bask in your Mamas sunlight is hard.
I realized how much God made me like my Mama when we met. Running has been a thing for me too. And I’m putting a stop to it. Because I’ve searched the world over and no one compares to you.
Yes you. I know? Can’t believe it? Well move over lack of belief. Because Belinda’s home. And Belinda’s strong. And Belinda’s proud to be so loud and proud and unashamed of who she came from beyond all that was dumped on her long ago.
I’ve seen the light. Jesus? Yes. Always. But I’ve seen the light flicker in a woman’s eyes when she sees me show up. When she sees me trying. When she see me rip it all off her and sets her free. I set myself free and you too by being honest and open and vulnerable.
The world be damned if baby can’t come home and find rest at Mamas table. Looking into those eyes. Eyes that live within a body I came from. Her hearth is warm and bright and calls me.
God is within her. This I know. For sure.
And all the chains of lies that bound us both are gone today. Can we see that? With our hearts eyes?
Shame sounds like game
And guilt sounds like wilt.
And rejection sounds like correction.
Let’s you and me write the book? Hmm?
Let’s change it for the records Mama.
We got what it takes.
You and I.
My love grows stronger each day I let those ugly words fly. Each word mixed together, like a potion, washes us as the demons flee.
Demonic thoughts kill love and we had a few. But God is faithful. Yes. To set us free. Again. And again. Each day new.
But god waned ya to know the depths of our connection is real. That every prayer was heard and answered. But that life is twisted. Free will must be understood. And grace covers it all.
That my dear is fantastic news. No?
Is not god’s love returned to you through an Child you gave away no fantastic?
I can hear it over coffee.
“I realized today that my daughter truly does love me Barbara Marie?” ” and it feels so warm and amazing, like the sun shining on a cold shady spot in my heart, that I thought god could not see this place any longer, but God did.”
God loves you this much. Mama.
I’ve learned many things Mama. And I want to share them with YOU. YES. YOU.
And that’s all you need to think about. Nothing else got in my way. All my words, words spoken over me that discourages my soul at times, did not drown out my love for you.
That’s. A miracle.
That’s what keeps me coming back to you.
You. Are my roots here in this earth.
Your essence. Your spirit. Your faith. Your being.
Keeps me coming back for more.
I let go of our past.
And my hand is now free and extended to you.
Will you also let go?
And take my hand with yours, that’s now free to hold mine.
Cacka, is a work for shit. And shot goes on the garden, not in our minds, or hearts. And we both must let this go for it to truly work.
Trust me. I get you most. I’ve walk this earth without your hand to hold and you have done the same. Let’s see what holding hands can do. Let’s trust god.
Step in faith. Like me. Doing this crazy dance for Mama. Faith looks crazy when we can’t see what’s next, but god showed me behind our veil. It’s amazing. Come.
Come with me. And let’s do this new thing we both want so bad. The demons are now gone. Listen?
Silences. They did not hurt you. Nor did they keep me away.
Let’s do this. Let’s believe in ourselves and our God and do this that no ones doing.
I’ve stood in the street eating all that was said about you me and Mama Jean. And now. I poop.
Let’s leave this poop.
I love you deep woman. Deeps at god goes.
Which just happens to be infinitely
Like an 8
Like my birthday
Like me who came from you.