Today’s a new day

It’s a Monday. And the energy has changed. God has cleared somethings up. The old rug of me and Mamas and all involved has been aired out. The light has shown into and onto the darkness of 30 years between me and Mama.

I want to switch the script a little now. I am gonna talk about Mama. That’s just not gonna change. But now I want to direct my focus o. My sisters and brothers in my immediate family. I speak my peace for Mama sake.

Look at us. Take a good long look at yourself and who you are and look at who you plan to be from today on. I came home. And yes Mama was upset. Can you blame her? She knows each of you well and that she did not prepare you for my return. The world left her ignorant to this possibility.

But look at yourselves. And look at how you handled Mama obvious fear that came true. You did not rally around her and quiet her fears, you amplified them. Look at that. Seriously. No party for me and Mama. Nope. No yipee, just dread and dragging your feet. You know Mama doesn’t like that.

Did you once see her as my Mama? Victoria did t seem to the last time we met? She was flailing a sword of words at her own flesh and blood like a lunatic. I warned you sister that day if you will remember. Call me crazy? You in your self righteous indignation showed you ass to she and I and David LeRoy. Own it.

And then I heard about my other sisters who are perched like the three monkeys except there are two. Who cover their eyes and ears to see and hear. And you all did her bad as I see it. No party. No,” it’s ok Mama, it will work out” we love you and we will love her too. All is well.

No. It’s gloom and doom and not words spoken with good intent. It’s sibling rivalry. Heinous energy. And it should not be in our family. I know Mama. A party to celebrate her baby finding her way home was in order. And yet you all let her down and left her out in the cold. I watched you. Do and not do. I was part of her too and still am. Wow.

Mama has done and been there for you and you can’t even share such a woman? I know her worth. To live without her has been my lesson of the worth of a woman called Mama. I share her with the world now. All of her. Complex and amazing. Fierce and yet soft. She is MY ROCK. Too. She deserves a second chance like this.

And yet. You tarry. You must have dirt on Mama that needs to be confessed as well? I am not the only one with stuff. And we all need to practice forgiveness if we call on God’s name. And confession one to the other is needed if you have not gotten this lesson here. Sisters are sisters forever. Your name is linked to mine. Forever.

Mamas posey was just you three and you are gonna act like I am not part of this club? I came from that woman! Hello? Like anyone see what I am saying? Do you see it? Sisters? Change is upon us. Who will you now chose to be? I’m not going away? And you watch our Mama go now that’s she’s got a taste of my love. Unstoppable I’d say.

Get with it girls. Mama needs us together. What Mama would want anything other. But she’s not gonna tell you what to do ladies. You are grown woman and should know the right thing to do. She took Nick in. Hello? But she needs you to learn the lessons she has learned hard. I’m really not as hard to deal with. Not as hard as dealing without me. I am not dead. And a Mama always loves her babies.

How could you see anything else? She needs you to do this for her. Pay her back for keeping you by making this nightmare go away where her own girls drag her down and keep her from her own child? Come on. You must like the taste of fear? If not step up. I am a piece of Mama, a strong drink of Mamas dark side. But I am her angel.

Like do you think Mama is the devil? Why tell her I am the devil? Seriously. Ladies. Collect yourselves. You tell on yourselves. Now. Not just for Mama to have to look at and pray about all day. It for the world looking in on you. Maybe that will whip your bratty asses in shape? Hmmm? Oh I am a sister. You better believe. And I love my Mama. And you. But I don’t take no shit. Excuse me Mama for cursing.

I’m praying about that. Thanks for your prayers. Always.

I want change. I will have change. mama will celebrate me coming home. You will support it. If you k ow what good for yourself. If Mama ain’t happy. Ain’t no one happy. Not even me.

And Mamas not happy that we are all like this. She has lived for God and prayed to God. She worked to make us proud. Let’s get out shit together and show her her worth by being good to each other.

I hate being mean or forceful. But the life I have had to live has enhanced my ability to be able to when needed assert myself. Folks call that being mean. I learned it being honest. People call you mean when your honest. My honesty is stripped down. Mama Jean was stripped down. Minimal.

Mama is expansive. Vibrant. Explosive. Vivacious. Infectious. The list goes on. Her essence called me home. Her mind demanded I update it. Which took time to dismantle and clear. I am not sure you all have caught up. I’m pretty quick and direct and no ones asked me questions. So. If your in the dark? Raise your hand. I’ll answer. I want us to get past this. There is no going back.

That bridge washed out the day I made contact. We are standing around arguing at what was. You in your actions and me addressing those actions. The time to build is now. I don’t give a shot what the world says about cutting people off. That is not our way. Mama moved me. She never cut me off.

Forgive yourself Mama. Now. For it all. I forgive you. But unless you forgive yourself, we can’t go on. Forgiveness is the door I knock on. I am already inside you. Forgive and let the real me out and the real you. I remember how great you are.

Coming home is like two woman who k ow each other and have been apart for a while. And we look at each other as if into a mirror. Mama and I have been shocked at the other. Of course we would be. But why would folks deem that bad and not support us?

Chelsie? Do you support us? Me and gramma? What are you doing to quiet grammas fears? Hmmm? How many times have you prayed and quieted her fears? What are you there for? Are you using her? Because this is a mess. It’s was a mess. I just spoke up about it and now everyone knows. You yourself know how I am. Open.

No one wanted to hear my story about Mama. Not even Mama. I get it. What can she do? Well. She could just love me and accept me. And ask me why I am like I am. And I’ll tell her why. And why I came home anyway.

Thanks for going deep with me today

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