After 55 years now. With volumes of questions and ideas to share from my journey to a new land, a girl has so much to share, With her kin. With her former queen. With her realm.
It would appear that my tongue was somehow hinged? I saw it By the very honest reactions from my family? I surmise that I’ve adapted due to my adoption, just a bit!, holy Jesus! A lot! Talk about a language barrier? Oh my! But we are in luck. Thank god.
I have two linguists in my home that are fully versed in Linda Jean lingo. My daughters know it well. And can serve and will serve as interpreters if asked. But they are woman. Strong woman. I know, because I raised them to be. Thank God I know in my own worth and showed them theirs beyond all this crap. That I now clean up. You are right Chelsie Lynn. This is simply not good enough for our family.
And even though I’ve sounded like a jack hammer hammering the same old chunk of rock? I know my job is to clear that way for the new. And as we can clearly see now that Mama, me, went there with her Mamas, we had more than my issues here. It’s all connect dear one.
My Mama cleaned the bathroom after giving me away, but not her wounded heart? She told herself a story. Over and over. And when I came back? I broke that story wide open by defying my own Mamas story. Hers was sad. Mine is too, but mine has the hope Mama needs. Mine is also joyous. And filled with hope. Sadness is from not being able to share it. Kind of like you Chelsie, now, with me? So sad we can’t share. I miss you so. And so want to share and enjoy your company.
But, how can one see hope if they have been telling themselves stories for years? Stories that now are lies. For I am the truth. I will not rest until this chasm is bridged. So if I die, it’s will be yours to finish. I don’t plan on dying? But one never really knows? I am pretty damn tired of singing my song and my own Mamas changing the channel? They both know what I want. They are not dumb. Just stubborn. Will full. Just like they raised me not to be! And I am busting their balls!! This issues from the top of the chain!!
Nana and gramma need to realize and follow their own teachings. And this is rude as hell. Unmannerly. Shallow. Petty. And I will not take the rap for them any longer!! No one stands in Belinda Jeans way when God tells me go home I go. Two Mamas. Two homes!!
They are tearing me apart by being this way. Do you want me torn apart? Chelsie Lynn? Victoria Lynn? Whomever else is reading this? Chelsie’s holding space fir Gramma. Angelas holding space for Nana. Let’s tie this knot!! It’s time. There is no going back. Forward. Like god tells us.
We are all in fact boned to one another. I speak to you. But I speak to the world. Unity is key. I am done with doubters. We must move to action mode and stop lingering here. The next step is to come together.
I want to show my Mamas what’s next. But they are hung up on the past. Their energies are heavy and I work to move it and them to higher ground by lighting their asses on fire. Can you please help me? I pray out loud to God for help with this task.
I do so want to show my Mamas the good, but they won’t see it if they keep turning around. They seem stuck. And so I am too. Trying to work to free us all from this stupid ideal we all got into in 1963. What does a daughter do when she’s trying to show her Mamas beyond the perceived bad? How does she lift their heavy heads to see when their heads are filled with nonsense? So heavy.
I have prayed to my gramma”s and ancestors. I’ve prayed and called on the angels. I even spoke to the devil. Through God of course. What’s the deal? That’s my question? Why am I unable to bridge this gap?
I hear, teamwork. Unity. Fearlessness. Faithfulness. From us all.
I ask, are we all unable to pray one prayer of unity here?
Lord, bridge this gap. Amen. Mind body spirit. Home. Unity.
As we all pray, god can unite us. If we crucify the flesh that has fear? We see. Through the veil to spirit. We all are spirit.
Language falls away in the light of grace. Grace covers all our misunderstandings.
The round table is set. Let us pray. Please.