I went to talk to a counselor.

Seriously? I do better here. At least I can be

Honest and not have some woman who’s gone to school and learned nothing tell me!! To write a list!!

A list? Is that what they taught you?

You know? I was a peer counselor at age 16.

And I show more empathy than that woman?

I felt worse after talking to her.

She can’t help me?

It’s just amazes me how people get work.

And it’s amazes me that Mama is so dumb she can’t see that. Yep. Dumb.

I don’t want to be your friend anymore Mama!

You suck!!

Professional?

I imagine you go to professional?

And if so? Well? That’s the problem.

Let me talk to your professional? Mama?

I’ll be the judge of who’s professional.

Ive been seen for years.

And you know what Mama?

None of the professionals could figure out what I wanted? Even though I said it.

I wanted my Mama.

Plain and simple.

Can anyone do that? No.

Not even you?

Not even you?

So disappointing.

And Ive hidden it for years!!

My kids saw it. I showed them.

I thought maybe they could help?

But they help themselves.

  • Inner dependence is how I am.
  • Codependent is what they were.
  • I want kids strong and yet connected.
  • And I train hard
  • I test them.
  • It’s not easy To stand on your own when everyone’s attached to your outcome.
  • My only attachment to my own children is love and respect. Respect has been a challenge. My Mamas didn’t teach me that. My kids think I am disrespectful. I guess they never looked at where I came from and who taught me.
  • Are my Mamas angry I listens to what they said. And I did it. And it didn’t work. Because what you say and what we pass on must be tested.
  • I’m glad Chelsie’s gone and on her own.
  • I’m just sad. She did not use her manors.
  • I am sad she chose to be rude.
  • Then she climbs under the wing of God?
  • And thinks God will bless her?
  • God always brings it back around.
  • My Mama may have idealized being adopted and not having her Mama?
  • But I did not. I cherished my bat shit crazy mama. And prayed for the day I could have her back.

Counselors! Ba ha!! If you haven’t walked it yourself? No book can teach you. I just like to check in now and again and see how they do. Against how I do. For free. I counsel all day long.

Proverbs is my favorite book.

Wisdom. Cries from the streets!

Not from a home.

Not from a throne

But from the streets! Where the gutters are.

Wisdom is earned and learned from hard knocks. Some. Knocks that even your Mama did. A child is a gift. And should be treated as precious. Always!especially upon her return!! For she did not neeeeeed to go back and pay respect. And she deserves to be treated precious on that action alone!! The action of coming home after being thrown out at my most vulnerable time! Demands respect!!! Only God. Could make me do that. I did not respect you growing up. You made me strange In A strange world. God alone was my refuge. I have learned much from my counselor. Forgiveness is one. Forgetting. I still work on as my mind unravels to help me. I held onto you forever. And ever. Not giving up on YOU!! And my mind is now helping my body to forget a woman it came from. Why? When she right there?What counselor do you do to Mama? Because I wonder what counselor would counsel you to block your own blessing and tell you it’s a curse? You read a book. And yet don’t practice it with your own flesh and blood?And you tell me God has counseled you to do this? Where? In scripture does God say to block your child? Where?!!Show me Mama! In the word!Go on. Write me a real letter! Show me those scripture! Show me. I call bullshit!

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