Mama, forgot about this part of herself, that God incapsulated within me…
I was so overwhelmed this morning, as God visited me in a cabin on a hill. Gratitude, for a God that could hijack a woman, and take the best in her, and carefully place me in a space where that part of her would be free to grow and flourish uninhibited by societal structures.
Mama Jean and I made up the structures that worked for us. And we have worked hard. Thank God I am wild, we had to do some wild stuff! Bonding is key, no matter how you do it. But we most certainly did bond. And that is exceptional.
Our bodies struggle at times, but with love and trust at the base of our relational fabric. Its so hard to put it to words what she and I have. She can’t get enough of what God made from Linda. I am her most trusted friend, and I consider that a higher prize than to be a daughter. We are forever bonded, and Linda dances with her in an eternal dance.
As a wild child, I came back to Mama, so she could learn our dance too. It might look crazy, but once you get the hang of it? Its kind of fun.. That’s where Daddy came in for me. He, in me, showed me how to make the Eagle dance with Mama Jean. And we danced around and flapped our Eagle wings like hell. And we soar, high, above it all…
Daddy taught me, the first day I heard his voice on the telephone line, chaos is a dance he knew well. And I love him for those words as he met his baby girl on the phone that day. “Total Chaos I can handle.” He said to me. And I was at peace. Simple words, from the man who help make me. And I saw the power of a father, and why God wanted me to meet him.
I don’t know what Mama saw in him? But I know what I saw in him… Yes, ever little morsel, and I relish each tasty minut nuance and manor as I look in the mirror and see him there in me. Before I met my parents life for black and white. As I looked into them as my natural mirror, and recognized them within me, growing wild, color came to my world….
I love them for the color they gave me…. Thank God for parents, because they make children…
And maybe its not for Mama to be able to experience? In my world it is for us all to experience, and be blessed by what we make, however messy, or crazy our art pieces called children look. God is the make of us all. God takes what God wants from our parents and knits it into us. I believe how we look at our children is a direct reflexion of our own view of ourselves.
I would like to say this, ” I am amazed by the children that have come from me!” I am a blessed woman to have such amazing children. NO one needs to tell me they are gifts from my body…..They have expanded me, nourished me, spanked me, held me close, slobbered on me, never did pee on me, thank you!
To be a unit leader, Mother, the person to guide and be guided by children is the highest calling of all! Mama just didn’t realize that she was beating herself up until I got home and took the bat away by calling her out on it!!! I came home to love you woman! What in the hell are you doing?
Take me as I am! Like I have accepted you! Why in the hell do you think I came home sweet woman… Daddy sent me to set it straight.. Who left who.. And this body is calling bullshit on this…. Passion? Heartfelt? Deep? In my soul? More than sex? More than love? Power… Like lighting striking a rock, and splitting it in to three. I am the piece of that rock that split in three.
Am I a fool too? Was Daddy a fool for you? Was God a fool? For making a child from what was? No. No. No. God makes art.
Daddy knew how to get to Mama… He taught me… Listen to the music Mama.. xo
It is so crazy to think, that Mama Jean loved me like crazy. And that Mama, struggles to see the beauty in our dance, the one she actually helped create by giving her gift away?