Hello. People. My Mama needs to be an informed woman.

My Mama pride herself on being educated and up to date in her life. Every Mama is exposed to different ideas and life styles and people through their child. My Mama is no different.

And from what I can see? My Mama has missed out on one child’s influence and exposer. She’s been a four legged table that’s only got three legs. I am the fourth. And without me? Mama is unstable and wobbly. She still stands. But her strength and level headedness is challenged for lack of a leg.

Mamas had to live like this for years. She figured she would die like this. It’s like carrying a load on one side and you get used to it, the body adjusts. And now I am back and blowing things up and looking all crazy like. Cuz I am moving energy. And I am changing her mind. Little by little. Over and over like a surgeons knife I cut away the old ideas.

I take that knife to my sisters too. They have a lot of the same ideas too. Mama took her fate. And I am rewriting it. By dismantling what was. And meticulously showing her what, and why, and why not. She needs this for her souls growth. Yeah. Her body has become rigid. No offense Mama. Like salt. But emotions are like water and Ive poured enough to resolves that salt. With my tears and yours. We resolve it.

With Christ blood we wash it. And with our confession we come under grace about it. Wiser. Wiser. Wisdom is to be sought after. And you must have it as much as I must. We. Came her to do this. And to show the world what’s the outcome is to bring great change!! Like hello.

Yes. Don’t shake your head while reading. We came her to go through this. And it sucked. Especially the coming home part. What you thought would be was way off. But what’s yo come is what you desire. Lies are not of God. You did not know you had been lied too. I love you enough to yell you the truth!!

So you can see what’s up with us. K. I love you. Be encouraged. I care so much for you. Please see my heart that beats because if yours. Yes. It’s hard to believe. But believe it still. Trust I. A God who will bring back a gift. So you can open it and enjoy it. Again and again, until you accept.

Accept your gift. Call me. Let’s do this. The world be damned to keep us apart again! I have shouted it from the roof tops. And shown you everyone’s motives. Everyone’s dirt. By showing mine. I am your daughter and have a strong mind as well. Strong enough to turn you around to love you. Strong enough to wait years to love you face to face.

Strong enough to tell you the truth so you could see. Yourself in me.

I love you woman. What else? Why else? Who else could go here with you and bring grace on a platter? You can not give your calling to another. But god keeping coming back around til you accept.

Xo

Mama. Forward this video

Mama. Forward this video to 12:55 minutes and I want you to listen to what she says. Get past what you think you see and connect to God within you. And allow God to speak to you.

Sowing seeds is hard work. This I know. And I am one of your seeds. Yes. My life successes count towards you. You get credit for my accomplishments by birth right! Now. With that said. Take a deep breath and listen to encouraging words. Don’t despair. Be of good cheer. Daughter of Mary’s. Mama. Focus on me.

Let go of what everyone else has said and done. I am a seed that is blossoming in front of you. Be encouraged. What’s done is done. And being the Virgo you are, god has answered every prayer and has used me to show you what your seed went through to break open and grow. Yes. I grew and did not die. You must. Forgive yourself. I have forgiven you. God forgives you. But you must accept. Once you accept grace and confess missed marks, all heights are taken. But you must confess to me what is between us.

I have shown you all that grace covered in my life. And yes. It is horrifying. I get t Mama. I am not angry with you. I am angry that you have had so much miscommunications about it all and about me. I do not feel you have been getting very good counsel and have spoken about this. I have felt as though my reputation was stained somehow. I have not felt that my sisters have supported us as should have been.

They have much to learn about sharing Mama. I’ve had to learn much about sharing. I have shared you with the world Mama. The you in me shines bright. Folks can’t deny that I am yours!! I am spot on. Voice, manor, temper, love, stubborn, passionate, spontaneous, amazing! You have not met my friends Mama. But Your about too. They love the you in me.

I’ve taken you with me everywhere! As well as Mama Jean. And that is progress!! It’s amazing! And you need not keep shaming and poo pooing us. Victoria is wrong about me! I know a welcome face when I see it, even if her eyes still have sleep in them, and she looks perturbed. She let me in. Cuz I’m already there in her heart. She just can’t see past the shit in my way, but I’m blowing it up. Yep. I’m cleaning Mamas house!

Because Baby girls got to have Mama. Her patience is gone. Listen and know. I’ve pointed out each missed mark. And Ive forgive them all. And myself. Let archangel Zadkiel cut those cords from you as you enter his white fire and allow Jesus to take this weight that you’ve carried sooooo long Mama. To long. It’s not yours. Remember. Jesus’s load is light. I’ve seen the weight in you eyes. Don’t lie to me.

I know you. And I’ve got your back. Always. Even if all hells breaking loose and I’m throwing our dirty laundry on the damn internet? We got this. Be strong. I know you!! Be strong mama. Hold that gorgeous head up with pride!! After you forgive yourself and go into nature and meet me there. I’ll come. Remember? Let the wind take it away Mama. And let my true love fully surround and envelope you in my spirit embrace. I will kiss you and your body will regenerate and feel lighter.

I’ve always loved you Mama. Since day one within you. I’m the best of you without your training. Of course. I feel God has done well with me. God is my father. And Dads do do things differently Mama.

Please watch. And let spirit, god speak to your heart. Thank you.

Practice make perfect.

Practice makes perfect. How can anyone be more like Jesus who hung on a cross for everyone’s missed marks if we don’t practice? From what I have experienced, Mama needs practice. With me. Her estranged daughter of 55 years. Our reunion was a fares. A joke. She was only playing like she took me back.

Why do I write such a thing?

Well let me tell you.

My first contact with Mama was more like her standing behind a door and telling me, ” yeah, I’m good, please go away”.

And that crushed me at first. Wow! I thought and prayed to god who lead me to go back to Mama, “are you sure? Lord, she does not want me back”. So. After than prayer and some prayer from a friend, I gave it back to God and asked that God let me go. I don’t want to go back to that.

But god put fuel on the fire he lite in me for her and my desire got bigger and bigger. I simply could not ignore what God was doing. And I knew I must obey. I must do what god lead me to do even if I had no idea how it would turn out.

Mama did not take well to God calling her back to her duty as My Mama. Nope. She felt Absolved of it. She felt set free by leaving me. Free as a bird. Until I came home. Yeah she stopped flying when I came home. And god grounded her at long last.

Another thing that shows me Mama needs practice is the way she has treated me as I tell my side of the story. Like hello! Not easy to do when Mamas not happy, but God spurred me on. And kept me going by sending people from her home town to where I worked at the time. Good people with warm hearts. God kept sending me signs and helped me go through doors to find out about her.

Mama Jean and I had issues and I now know who i got my willfulness from. Mama. I can see plain as day by looking at how she now treats me as the truth is out and she has no place to hide. None.

Another thing is her throwing scripture at me. Like scriptures keep me at bay? Like I am some demon returned? Nope. Only in your head Mama. Only in your head. You can run. But you can’t hide from God. When god calls you to a job? Good luck getting out of it?

The scriptures say I am a gift, not a monster. I think looking at me you see yourself and what you’ve done with what God gave you. Yep. And practice is what we need.

Mama knows scripture. But I heard her say to me, ” I had plenty of love for you, and you didn’t appreciate it”. Really? Love? For me? Is there a hole in your heart somewhere? Yes. There is. Did it drain out somehow? Or was your love just a joke? Agape love is forever and never runs out? As many scriptures and bible studies you read? How can this be?

You drink from the scriptures and don’t practice them. Mama. Look at me. One of yours and look at how you treat me? Conditional love is not from God. Love with conditions is not love at all. You thought you could fake it? Did you think God did not know? See? What’s inside that mind and heart of yours?

Well? I guess not.

But not all hope is lost. God’s still on the throne and can help you. God can help you practice agape love with me. Has not god loved you? Even though you did not accept his gift long ago? Yes. God does love you. God loves you enough to show you where you missed it. God loves us all enough to show us where we miss it.

Conditional love is from the ego. Unconditional love is from God. And no one, not even you can stop agape lives power. It’s blown me away at the love I have for you when you act like you do? Why is it so hard for you? You read scriptures all day? And yet you struggle to love me? Hmmm? We need practice. Looks like practice is our need. And practice is what I do. Love is not some fluffy thing, it’s rock solid and can not be moved by circumstances. I’m still here. Loving you.What’s your deal? And look what your teaching that family? Look. What do you teach my daughter? Hmm? She’s not talking to me? Hmmm? More of that good conditional love? Be gone! In the name of Jesus! Practicing what we preach is hard. I know. And a lot of times gone by and your way behind on practicing with me. Way behind. You have lots of lesson to be learned and so do I. But I’m showing up. Where are you? In the bathroom? In the closet? Where? Don’t give me this mushy mush about love is kind. Kindness is to tell the truth so people can see what they do. Jesus showed us that? Jesus died for telling his truth. Will you allow your ego to die? Or is your Ego so important? More Important than God’s word that says I am a gift? Hmmm? Look. I hate to be the buzz kill to your party. But your missing a huge opportunity to restore a part of yourself you walked away from. And as your daughter I feel Its my duty to tell you. It’s does not seem anyone tells Mama anything or they get cut off. And that just not ok. We girls deserve the best. I’ve been gone so your way behind on practicing. And I’m more like you than you think. And it’s time to practice. What you read. It’s time for you. To come clean and get a grip. To be like this? Is a shame on God’s holy name. Grace can only cover what we confess. I’ve confessed. Now it’s your turn.

You can….but..

Trying to show folks what Adoption means to the kid who was adopted is a job. Working to show the world what’s going on inside the head of this adoptee is a job. It’s take time and a willingness to look crazy to make folks see what Adoption really means beyond all the code names and dumb ideas.

Pulling the veil back and showing the hole Adoption leaves within the heart of the children relinquished is a hard thing. Because it means you must be honest and not be codependent and keep silent so as to not hurt anyone’s feelings. It means you take the hit and look ungrateful. God forbid an adoptee ever show ungratefulness, they say our other choice is only to be aborted.

What about making a world safe for another and child to stay together? Hmmm? What about that choice?

Wisdom’s rebuke.

Wisdom’s Rebuke

20 

Out in the open wisdom calls aloud,

she raises her voice in the public square;

21 

on top of the wall[d] she cries out,

at the city gate she makes her speech:

22 

“How long will you who are simple love your simple ways?

How long will mockers delight in mockery

and fools hate knowledge?

23 

Repent at my rebuke!

Then I will pour out my thoughts to you,

I will make known to you my teachings.

24 

But since you refuse to listen when I call

and no one pays attention when I stretch out my hand,

25 

since you disregard all my advice

and do not accept my rebuke,

26 

I in turn will laugh when disaster strikes you;

I will mock when calamity overtakes you—

27 

when calamity overtakes you like a storm,

when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind,

when distress and trouble overwhelm you.

28 

“Then they will call to me but I will not answer;

they will look for me but will not find me,

29 

since they hated knowledge

and did not choose to fear the Lord.

30 

Since they would not accept my advice

and spurned my rebuke,

31 

they will eat the fruit of their ways

and be filled with the fruit of their schemes.

32 

For the waywardness of the simple will kill them,

and the complacency of fools will destroy them;

33 

but whoever listens to me will live in safety

and be at ease, without fear of harm.”

I just wonder?

Have people just been watching Tv so long that they think everything should go a certain way? Like Ozzy and Harriet? Adoptees have to write their own script home. And it’s messy. Duh. And it takes work like if Mama has kept me. She would have to work at it.

Do folks think that because they tapped out? That the down hill fall of all they blocked back in the day will just simply dissolve? That’s what Adoption teaches people. That karma is somehow rerouted and avoids them? Well, karma did not avoid me back in the day.

When Mama took a pen to my heart and signed me away. Karma kicked me in the gut and took my breath away. What the hell did you think I would feel again Mama? Well I didn’t. Ok. I just did not. So get over it! You get over the fact that I did not agree with your plan. And now I’m home and you like Hilly in the Help and ducking till I go away. And that’s not ok. Not for a Christian woman like yourself. Nope.

Are you so out of it that you can’t see yourself madder than a wet hen in me? WTH? Mama. Get ahold of yourself. Please. This is embarrassing. That I must come on here to show you how God sees all. Everyone know our business. And god knows your business. What are you doing to make it better Mama?

Nothing is what I see! Nothing! Is this the kind of Mama you are? And if not? Show me the woman I know. The woman I am from you show me love. Show me care. Like I just don’t get folks thinking a live on marshmallow and chooses o eat here without Mama. WTH.

My sisters would be lost without Mama and get they doom me to that fate, to scared to let me I for fear I might take something they want. Mamas told me who’s getting what no told her good. I want only you. Is that just so hard for her to believe? Seriously. Like thanks Adoption for making me look like a thief. Thanks for ruining my reputation with my Mama and family. Thanks. Thanks.