Right now

Right now. This minute. Life’s looking pretty open. I’ve cleaned a lot out of my life. And a lot has cleaned itself out of my life. Change is illuminating. It shows you who’s really there and who’s not. And it shows you that you don’t just have to accept that. You can bang on that door that shut. Doesn’t the Bible say knock? And the door shall be opened unto you? Hmmm?

A preachers once said, “if god don’t answer? Keep knocking till he does.” And over the years, I’ve seen results. God answers me when I keep knocking and asking for what I want. Even if I have been knocking for years.

But not with my mind. Like most folks think prayers are formed. No. For me it came from my heart and bypassed my mind. And my mind was not happy about it at first. Just like Mama. Until God showed me that I could have what I wanted if I could believe.

What keeps beliefs? What are beliefs? Where do they come from? Beliefs are like programming. As we form in our Mamas womb we form beliefs. And as we grow after birth we form beliefs from what we experienced. I experienced a lot. And my body reacted violently to separation from my Mama.

My body wrenched for hers. I struggled to mentally prefers because I would not let go of my memories of her. She became my avatar. Society be damned. Rules be damned. My body did not care. My body wanted Mama despite my mind telling it no.

I admit. This sounds extraordinary and yet for me so true. And it is my body that wants her now. My mind is willing. And my spirit is willing as well. Is her mind going to stop this? That is the part of her that I address. And her heart that I seek. The part of her heart that is mine alone. I speak to that. You have not lived in vein. You. Heart. Are strong enough. To do what the mind can not comprehend.

I never left. I always stayed in your heart. Always. It is safe Mama. It’s safe. Trust me.

Trust god. Try god. See. What god will do. See. But you must do.

And our bond is strong through DNA.

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