Being an adopted child is much like being a diplomat from another country, who’s been sent to bring joy and peace between clans. To work to h it them. What other outcome would you see? Unity from separation and exile.
The process of becoming a diplomat is to pump people. We call it massage, by at times it’s a pumping of info. My body takes in a lot of stimuli. So when I pump someone it means, ok, I’ll go there with you. Not to duke it out? But to hold the hand of the one on the journey that has looked at me, and who I have looked into and seen what they desire most by actions and deeds. My Mamas eyes, I saw fear, regret, guilt, denial, anger, and anxiety, and love. All mixed in those eyes. Each of them I saw this.
What Child wants to go into her Mamas. Nightmare? Anyone? Can I see a show of hands? No. I thought so. But with Adoption the way it is and seeing beyond that at what is underneath. What is under all that? What’s beyond my Mamas wildest nightmare? But someone got to go there with these woman. And that’s me. The one stuck in the middle of two amazing woman who have never meet here. They met through me. Their ambassador.
And I am different. That’s for sure. But there’s intelligence in my madness. Art is a process. And our canvas just got burned and thrown out. No more painting over it. We are the art. We are the canvas on which God paints our master piece life.
And God call us all to do some crazy things for him and her. And this ideas crazy for sure. But it can be done. Unity is possible. I have debriefed my Mothers if each other’s ways. Mama Jeans a bit ahead of Mama. She knows me. So she knows Mama too. Mamas got to learn Mama Jean and let go of their past and lay it to rest with dignity and grace.
Mama Jean is an alley now. She has passed the test of loyalty to be honored in this way. She has been loyal to me. Even if she did not understand me. She supports me as best she could. But if. Both Moms were joined? They could really support me and I feel it would spill out to the whole family. Like I’m just speaking up? Anyone else could have done the same? But they didn’t?
I feel I was born like this for this very reason. To go home and bring Mama Jean with me. And to bring the love she gave me back to where I came from. We must cling to the silver lining here. Mothers help Mothers who help their children. Plain and simple. Unity.
Thanks for diving deep with me