This is why I write here. For her and those like her. I felt like her.

Dear Adoption, I’m Insignificant

I do not know why people go through so much trouble to adopt and then forsake their adopted children.

If you look at me you won’t see anything significant. I am a normal mom that works a normal job. I am not pretty or ugly or fat or skinny. My hair isn’t really brown or blonde. It is a non color. My eyes are just eyes. They do not sparkle.

I was insignificant as a child too. I was left at the hospital by my mother at birth. I lived in a group home until I was 5 years old and those are my only happy memories from childhood even though I had no parents. I lived in two foster homes after that but one was only for a night or two. The second family adopted me a few years later.

I remember how much paper work and house cleaning they had to do so the adoption could go through. I remember all the complaining about how much trouble this was for a “kid nobody wanted” and hearing my adoptive parents say “they should just be thanking us”.

I was insignificant.

Once I was adopted everyone was so relieved to have the whole thing over.

Life went on and there was no more house cleaning besides my chores. I covered my ears when they screamed at each other and at me. I hid my bruises from my teachers and my friends. I hid loneliness, scars, worry and fear. I hid my curiosity over why they adopted me. It is really hard to understand why people do this and then don’t act like a family should.

I did not feel accepted or loved. My insignificance never wore off. I felt safe because I knew I had a place to live but I wasn’t safe except for the roof over my head. I was hurt in my home by the people who adopted me and the ones who were supposed to keep me safe.

Who should I blame? I know life is luck or no luck. I guess I didn’t have any luck on my side.

Adoption, you have hurt me. People always try to tell me who to blame but I think that when you are the person who was hurt you get to decide and I blame you.

Please do not be mad at me for blaming you because I cannot take anymore anger pointed at me. You can take it because you are just a thing. I am a person even though I am insignificant.

This piece was submitted anonymously by a domestic adoptee in the US.

Categories: Domestic Adoptee

Tags: Adopted, Adoptee, Adoptee Movement, Adoption, Adoptive Family, Adoptive Parents, Child Abuse, Childhood, Childhood Trauma, Dear Adoption, Family, Foster Care, Loss

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