Mama asked me if I read my blog. I said,”No”. Why would I want to read what I am trying to let go of is what I thought? Like she doesn’t get it. It seems as fast I am throwing shot out, she catching it to keep? Drop that shit Mama! Why would you hold onto what I throw away as if this is our ultimate truth? It’s does not work like that.
Telling the truth means trading it in for something better. You don’t keep rehearsing lines that have been thrown out, you learn new lines and rehearse them. And that is where we are now. New lines to be rehearsed. I don’t expect people to be perfect with the new lines, but I do expect action. Now would be nice.
We see where we are off course now. And all we need is to adjust our course. Mama. It’s time for me to lead. One thing I want to say is forgive yourself first and forgiving me will be easy. And telling you this is normal. Considering it’s been 54 years and I’ve asked you for very little up to now. As your daughter I have every right to speak up and tell you my need. What you do is up to you, but now you know what’s at stake. This wound is closing. Let it close. I will still be here after it’s all healed. Remember, I am inside you and you in me. Fear. Is an illusion.
We are still connected. And Mama Jeans there too. All is as it should be and no ones left out. I’ve considered everyone and included all. I don’t want to think what I have written here anymore. That is why I wrote it out. So I would not have to go there. And so the emotions connected to all this can pass me at long last. It’s a new day. And a new way.
This is my witness and my testimony. And the words written here are the words and emotions of this woman’s inner child that held it all in until now. I found my voice and that the thing. Even though it was painful and hell to go back there, it’s out. And that’s what matters to me. That it was not in vein.
Thanks for diving deep with me.