I do believe that adoptees have some things to say about the adoption industry’s standards. I know I do. And I know. I am not alone. But what? What’s do we say to a world that can’t seem to see what we see? What’s shall we do now? Now that it’s all said and done and our lives have been lived like everyone wanted, and yet we don’t seem to be satisfied with how it all went down and how we the Adoptees were treated.
Adoption has no real standards except separation and secrecy. And How folks hide things is not of their concern and should be. I mean in 2017 when anyone can find anyone, what’s the point of closed adoption or withholding someone real identity from them years after the fact? How long does the sigma Continue after a child is now grow? What’s the point of doing this to a child anyway?
What is a fresh start? How do we handle a child’s personal affects, birth record, heritage records and emotional disruptions from being cut off from our Mother units so young and impressionable? What is Adoptions point if it stabs us? Shall we just bleed for a cause that’s just a magic trick? DNA links is all back to what we came from. And God sees all. So what are we as a society doing?
I know what Adoption did to me and for me. Now. But it’s been a long dark hidden road for this woman. I have lived many years groping in the darkness that blanketed my own identity, trying to shed light on where I came from. I wrestled for years to answer why it matters so much to me. I became most interested after having my first child. And it seemed to need addressing, but there was no how to book back them such as Adoption comfort Dummies that I could follow. God was my only hope to find out what my heart yearned for, truth that I could stand on. About me.
Mama Jean gave me all she had been given. But I’m different. I came from somewhere else? Where? My heart would not give me peace no matter how many times I shoved it back down and said shut up, not now. And at 54, I’ve learned that you can only do that so long and then it just come exploding up and out. The time had come for me to go Home and look at where I came from. I am 25 years reunited with my Mama. And this blog is me reporting where I came from and wow!
My families quite unique. I see where I get my uniqueness. My Mama is a very strong willed person. Not always for the best reasons. But she’s strong. And I can see why it has taken my mind so long to come to terms with this arrangement. My mind likes answers. My mind likes to know the why so I can understand why I have struggled with my own identity. And this experiment has shown me a lot. A lot. A lot. A lot about who I am and who I am now not like up there with the fam.
And I have given them a front row seat to the show. Mine. As I write and write my heart and let it all go. The whole worlds looking on as I tell all and take no names. I’ve held this in, FOREVER! what a job. And they need an education and I am the girl for that job. I am No Child Left Behind certified!! Including myself!! I am not going to leave myself behind either. Because no one heard my cry. And no one even knew I cried for lack of knowledge. I yearned to know.
- I am grateful for Gods words that told me to knock and seek and ask. I am grateful for those who told me what they knew. Many where wrong about what they knew. But I listened anyway. People have been kind to me on my quest for knowledge about who I am, and many have not. It’s a mixed bag out there.
- I am grateful for Mama Jean showing up to love me. I admire her for her gumption yo stick with me. After seeing how my Mama treats me? It’s a miracle we are as close as we are? She’s mean. And stubborn. I see what Mama Jean was up against Adoption me? I have a Mr appreciation for her because of telling my truth. A new truth emerges beyond the ash of our old truth, that lacked my original truth to give me perspective as to how far God took me beyond my roots! Wow
- And pain is a teacher. She pokes you and keeps you moving. She prods you to keep going and to find the truth that has ailed you to long. Ignorance is the worst disease ever!! And to not know is painful. We are still in pain about cancer folks and it’s because we haven’t figured out why cancers here?
Adoptees have things to say. And I am about making space go those who need to speak. I am about changing the worlds view of the child and to restore respect to live. Children go home. Why did they leave anyway? I’ve learned why do me. My Mama did not have room for me in her life and still does not. I needed to know that for sure. I gave her a second chance. But she can’t handle all this.
And I am beginning to be ok with that.
Thanks for diving deep with me.
Damn you can hold your breath?
Me too! Xo