In the end it will work out. Mama will come around. My mama will meet. Or________. Fill in the blank. These are my dreams. We all have one.
My dreams is manifesting. Not like I thought it would? No. I did not see myself blogging to give myself permission to speak freely? No. But it’s liberated me. Saying the unsayable, unthinkable, unimaginable, and very unrehearsed. I spoke from my heart. Which was broken and trying to heal.
People bump your shit. They rub against your issues. Not to rub it in. But to make you aware. I’ve learned that by speaking freely I give others permission to do the same. And it’s not easy letting words be spoken that have not. It’s like being naked. Exposed. My anger hid my wound from healing. And I needed to get to the bottom of why anger was with me.
Angers not a bad energy. Anger ignites you. Anger inspires you to action, to doing something about it. I’ve complained for years about Mama, trying to figure out a way to reunite, connect, and bond to her all the way. Not just part way. Children should be able to tell their Mamas everything and have no fear of rejection. That’s why I don’t give up on her.
We are practicing. Agape Love. Agape Love never gives up and keep showing up to be seen and experienced. I may be angry, frustrated, confused, emotional, but I still love my Mama. And desire to see her love for me as well. And for our love to grow to it’s fullest. Just like I desire the same thing with Mama Jean.
And being adopted is complicated. Because certain key people that contribute to your well being as a whole, have been kept from each other. I progress each time I see Mama. And she progresses too. But it would go smoother if all involved would see this as natural and a needed part of our family’s evolution. A child comes home or is born. Each time a place is made for them. I have a place in my family’s. And accept that I have two.
I stand on faith. I stand on god who sent me to Mama first. I claim my birth right. I have two now. And I join the two and accept them both as they are. Even if Mamas all wack out and upset. I accept her. I accept that Adoption did this to us. But I don’t have to leave us this way. I am willing and able to clean this up.
In the end. It will work out.
Thanks for diving deep