I want to say thank you to my children for enduring all that they have going through this life with me. Being adopted is not easy on the children of the adoptee. We are a strange bird after adoptions made its permanent mark upon us. We are forever different and bond by the law within to help people see that as ok.
I want to thank each of my unique children for their unique contribution to my well being and for supporting me as much as each one of them have. I appreciate each one of them and work daily to understand the gift that they are in my life and others lives.
They struggle when I struggle. And I carried a heavy weight for so long. That needed to be dumped and I did not know how. I had to find my own way. No other way worked. And being restricted for so long by my lack of words to espresso it, I wrote here. So all could see my notes and not just my kids about being Adopted. I have three born witnesses of my struggles and theirs.
And I want to thank them for their time they gave me when they came to my womb and into my life to forever change me. Children and wonderful. Even if I complain. At least I am honest. They know where I came from. And that’s more than I knew. I wanted better for them. So I kept them. Because I know how hard it is when your Mama leaves you. I came to be a Mom to some incredibly Kids who are extremely gifted.
And I am not ashamed of them for how they are. I am only honest how they are and how I feel. It is you reading this that places their own truth upon mine. And my truth is not judged by yours, but adds to yours. Everyone’s truth expands everyone’s truth. That’s why we need to share and tell each other how we really feel. Not as a sentences. But as a liberation. Truth liberates the old truth to allow the New to come in. It is therapeutic. And needed to clear the air.
I just don’t get that folks don’t get that? It took me years to compile my evidence to support the powers of the truth in setting you free. And my kids are free. Each in their own way have broken free. And are there own person. I made sure the mirror they looked into was theirs. Clean as I could get it. Cleaner now since I finally got what was upsetting me out. My own kids had to listen and deal with it always being about me.
And your right. It was all about me my whole life. Who am I? Really? Who am I to everyone. Does that take away from my kids? Well no. It shows them that I want to know them. Know all of them and to use what they go through to be better. Without feedback. Which was my whole life. One struggles to rise above the opinions of others.
Being this way is not to take away anything? But to celebrate it all. My children have taught me much. Many lessons hurt. Because they hurt and I was trying to figure out what hurt so I could help. I simply did not understand. And I guess. This morning after I talked to my oldest. I realize that I talk in circles. Around things. I evidently have a mental disability of some sort. It’s taken my children to show me that I am broken.
And now I am going to go take a walk. And cry.
Thanks for diving deep into this whirl pool.