Mama may have thought I was a demon spawn in disguise. But even the king cloaks himself. Even God is cloaked in flesh and blood trying to be seen by us all. God is within us all. Do we seek to see God in others? Or are we satisfied with the demons we make each other out to be?
If we wrestle not with flesh and blood? Then what do we wrestle with? I believe it is the mind. These minds are not fresh when we grow in our Mamas womb. Our minds are knit together from flesh that has been passed on to each of us. And experiences are coded into our DNA system. We come in with instincts that have been trained by experiences.
Recognizing this is key to ones evolution. Because once we identify our instincts we can learn from them. Without a proper mirror as we say, to look into growing up, it caused me to broaden my scope of inquiry as to who am I. So I looked within and still do as I look at what shows up in my life and ask myself why have I attracted this. A persons Dna pool can answer many of these questions. As I study my Mamas reactions to things and watch as they speak. I learn much about what our words create for us.
And that to create better for yourself means to go within. All the way down and clean every corner to find ones foundation. If our foundation lacks anything, we must fix it. We each have beginnings. And those first impressions can have a lasting affect. I look at the affects within me to the life of an adoptee and to see how it is different than other children and also the same.
As an adoptee, this is my process at learning the world. As I go, and know people, I identify with myself in each one. As I do that I identify with the part of me that has the possibility to be like each person I meet and yet am not like them at all. Even cheaters and liars. But for the grace of God go I. We all lie and cheat at some point and must keep that clearly accepted in us all. We all fall short.
God could less about how we fall short, it’s all the same. Someone’s got to pick up the slack created by a fall. How we handle those who fall is important to God. It’s is anticipated that we will fall for god sake. Why was Jesus sent? For fun? Or to cover our falls? What good is grace? When we seldom use it? And I know. It’s a hard one to wrap your brain around because there are a lot of ideas about what goes on here on earth? And yet we struggle to get any of it under any kind of control?
That’s why I am speaking. To educate people on what I know for sure. If we all did this? Well, we would soon be ahead of the game. We would get it. And we would not all be messed up like we are, saying words we don’t mean that vibrate what we do. Code. But vibrations speak truth. We feel the truth that is beyond all the words spoken to hide truth. If we speak our truth, it lights up another’s. They can’t help but speak without words. So why not say it out loud and let it go. Trapping our truths causes disease. We walk in falsehood when we hold back.
We do all need to learn how to take the truth. And we need to learn how to truly hear another’s heart past the words. We need to learn how to only talk and leave weapons Home. There is no need to act the way folks act. We create the need by how we react to conflict and other view points. And I feel that tells a lot about us as humans. That we still struggle with our free will power. And the realization that we are all connected to on another.
2017 is the brim of the funnel
And the first day is at the bottom.
God is at that end.
We are the multitudes if expressions so far from God. And we each matter. Is how we treat one another truly a proper reflection of God? Do we even know about this planet and the life source that is this place? For God is in us all. Is this how God wants us to act towards one another and leave it that way? Could we not try harder to show gratitude to this planet by treating each other as family, because it all started with God, this planet.
Let’s us pray for peace within.
Let’s us take the narrow road.
Let us work for a higher good for us all.
We need a win win planet.
Adoption showed me that I have many brothers and sisters here. Mama wanted to share? Ok. I share. And I do my best to be honest to all, no matter how they treat me. I don’t give up. I may back away. I may move on. I never give up. I still believe for the best. Even when faced with the worst. This planet is alive. And when I pray. I get help and what I need. Not always what I want. What shows up I needed for some reason. My job is to figure out why and ask why has this shown up. The first place I look is within myself. And when I find an answer, I share it so others can learn what I did.
It truly is a great way to be. Hard. Yes. But truth is truth. And once you say it. It sets you free. If it’s not yours? It sticks to the one who’s it is. They react to it. But if they own it and don’t fight it, it just disappears. And all the emotions attached to it just melt away. We all are in some darkness. Truth brings light. And we all know how good the sun is for us. All things in darkness will be brought to light. Mama didn’t realize that God really did have her number and that God would use me to shine light on hers. So she could see how darkness was all around her about me. And so I lit her darkness up like a sun rise. Like the sun rising on Easter Day, when Jesus tossed from the dead.
At two days old I was crucified. My file sealed and name changed. They nailed my coffin shut and called it a file. But I Rose again. And found Mama. And yes. I have wondered why? Why would I pray and why would God lead me home? I guess what I see is I needed to reconnect to my family to help myself and I feel them as well. That we needed a full circle. And a true reconnect to break this pattern we seem to be struck in. Because they don’t act like my family? They act like themselves for sure. But not like they see they are attached to me. And they seem to see all Mama wanted to Hide for fear. Why would she do such a thing? Why would a Mother chose to hide? What is unsafe?
Maybe that’s one reason I came back? To help her feel safe. I sure would not like to fear my own daughter and the world? Who has a lot of nasty things to say about Mama. Many are confused. Many indifferent and ignorant. Someone must tell people how it really is for Mamas. Mamas take a lot of heat for sure. But diamonds do need heat and pressure to be flawless. Mamas are precious jewels to a child’s crown.
And Mamas are so busy. Sometimes you got to sit her down and straighten that crown of hers and make sure all her jewels are in place and brilliantly shining. My Mamas needed to see me shine. Mama forgot she got a stone for me. So I had to clean it off to show her I am in hers still. That she gets credit for being the one whom God made me from. And Mama Jean to know that she had hers and that no one could take it. Because I gave that stone to her. To honor her for showing up to raise me as best she could.
Mamas have demons. And they are in their minds. Children see them. And when we are smart? W change that and chase them off with some truth. Love always wins. Everything else is just a fall. Get up. Do better. And use love and truth to change it. With those two as weapons we win every time. Demons love anger. But holy anger they can’t take. Holy anger is towards ignorance. And education spoken with love, wins. Love is not nice. Love is love. Strong and tough.
Being adopted made me a big picture girl. So I just keep climbing until I get the biggest view. We evolve each time we learn something new. And we can not go back one truth and learned things get inside. But ignorance can be rooted out with truth and education. Mama Jean taught me that. By being my truth board to bounce off her what I had. And she seems to know truth changes. Did she know my truth the day she brought me home like a mystery bag at the craft store? Hell no.
She took me anyway. And did not turn back except for me. She knew I would go back. And she prepared me for that journey with her truth about me to light my way. She saw a lot in me. And I see she saw a lot in my Mama too. She ran with it. She tore it up and pieces it back together better. She raised me well. Thorough. Precisely. So that means she is very in tune to my Mama. She’s like that. So. She’s inside Mamas head too. Because I gave her access into Mama inside me.
I told he my truth early. What I had at the time. Which was a jumble of emotions. Many angry. And Mama Jean knew Mama Linda hurt. Because I hurt. And that’s how it was and we had to go one and do our best. Until we could do better. I know Mama Jean is upset Mama hasn’t come to call and basically is saying she doesn’t like her. That’s how she sees it. That’s what I have been trying to tell Mama.
It is so challenging being the daughter of two strong prideful woman. But. Mama Jean is right. Mama Linda is the one who needs to call. And that act alone. Let’s it all go. It will Never be forgotten. That’s insane. We learn for a reason. Not ever to forget. But our emotions release. I’ve done it myself. These two woman need to meet. I stand on that. That is my desire. And I feel it is for the best of our unit. It is our compromise. It’s is our truss. Full circle.
All matter. All have their place. We each get to decide what that place is. Good. Bad. Or honest and unique. My sister Victoria should know this But is a bit rusty at spontaneous. I’ve had to adapt. So I am more flexible. Except with this.
This divide must be bridged. I simply need closure to this old worn out chapters of ours. And the axe has been buried by me the child. I called you all out and myself. So we can friggin go on. Gezzz. Let’s go folks!! Christmas is
Coming? Are you gonna dent Jesus this gift? Seriously. lord, I am doing my part. Help them do theirs and stop being lazy poops. Ugh. Family. No wonder I smile these days? This family is squirrelly. I miss my baby girl. And she’s not gonna see me till this is done. She doesn’t think I am crazy. But she now knows you all do? Way to go. My baby girl Saw how you truly feel about me? Very good Chelsie Lynn. Mama can’t be everywhere for sure. You know I am not pathetic. But am a genius. Who has a household of Geniuses. Why would I see anything else?
Shame on my family for telling me that she’s so messed up and that I did t to her? Poor thing? I’d go to counseling too? Tell my baby’s such a thing? Evil minded and ignorant for sure. But. Oh well. I gave you what you wanted and put on a hell of a show. Seriously. That’s who you think I am? Pffff.
So basic. Sure. Of course I was upset. And I showed you how. How could I make you feel my pain if I had none? Of Course I have pains. I chose to speak honestly about them and toHonor them in this way. Hiding brings no Honor and keeps people from connecting. Truth like a knife may make you bleed. But truth cuts away what no longer serves and leaves what needs to be dealt with. That is what I do now. Clean up any of mine.
It’s like cleaning out the family shame closet. On steroids. So some other stuff can be placed within their. And a new name painted on the door that says closet of better days. Let’s pile that things high with some of that. Tie up loose ends of understanding. And begin a new. Fresh. No mistakes in it. But we all must do this for it to work. What are we so scared of? Fear is the robber here. And yet powerless unless we give ours to over fear. Let’s take our power back. I did.
That’s when the magic begins. When we begin to see beyond this bump. And when we see that truth does set us free and that we got so used to fears grip keeping us from our own authentic self. Fear is the father of demons. If Satan is the father of lies. Lies create demons in our heads that become our truth. What do you want to see? I know what I do. And it’s way better than this situation with my family. Way better. How does one get them even up to the plate to hit?
My people perish for lack of knowledge.
Thanks for diving deep with me today.