Like I sit and drink coffee below my favorite tree as it canopies me in natures protection. And my mind just swirls as song after song comes on my pandora and sarenades to the love in me for my parents communion that became me.
And it comes to me. A thought. Why wouldn’t God allow the man that made me to serenade a woman as smooth as whiskey in her grief through me. God is powerful. And God knows my heart and where God made it from. And that maybe a grief stricken widow needs a walk down her red hot life. That woman’s hot. And my Daddy knew that. But it was not just her body that drew her to my father. And it was not his that body that drew him to her. It was a divine connection that draw them to each other.
And they would dance and co create a child with God in the American style. And that God would care for that child. And bring her back to each of them to show what was made from that dance they danced long ago and recklessly with passion that felt guilty and was called dirty back in the day. But was in fact beautiful to the father. That God would bring her back to show the beauty created from that act, so they could see the value. That they had value to me. Their child.
And why? Would Hod do such a thing? And to defy convention? Why would God bring me back to them? And why would my Dad revel and my Mama run? It is a very good question indeed. In my life I have learned that woman are shamed for daring to create without a proper license. And that society does not make it a celebration instead makes them feel dirty for daring to love at all without permission from a church and to marry a man in body without a paper to say it ok. And to have a child come from it that has to be hidden to keep Mama safe from ridicule and rebuke.
But I came back to prove and be the proof. That what my parents did was Good. And that however it happens. What came, was good and worthy. Just like they are to me. Precious ghost within me that God uses to guide me. Precious seeds that came together in a dance that God blesses by making them join and make me. I am their reckless creation. And God brought me back to have them see how God blesses me, which blesses them as well. Even though they were not there. God was there resurrecting them in me.
I live As a testimony. That God makes precious Children from whatever. It is up to us to see that through the illusions. Find the silver lining. See the pearls. Find the stone. We all must stir our grey matter to make it stay alive and not let our minds get stuck in our own narratives. These minds and bodies are not our own. God lives within us all. That spirit that gives us life and goes out when we expire. We need to see that and not judge a book by its cover.
My Mama didn’t do a damn thing wrong by allowing God to create me from that by laying and dancing with my father! She’s a granddaughter of Mary and daughter of Margaret. Mary’s pretty famous. And my Mama came from a Godly woman who came from a godly woman. And Mary’s baby didn’t have a daddy and yet did. Because gd chooses to make us as is best and from those who will provide the exact combination needed. We each have gifts beyond what society deems by the way we came into being. But we are all travelers here.
That was Jesus’s mission. To show that God over shadows woman when it’s important that the combination is what God needs. And creates without an earthy license what is divinely needed. Each one of us is a piece of this puzzle. And each matter towards the whole. Like strings that hold us in space. We each hold a power within that keeps this going. Balance. Resistance and allowing dance to hold us into this ball we call earth.
If our hairs are counted. Then why would God allow my Mama to even consider me as a mistake and not correct her perceptions so she could clearly see? She is a precious piece and has value, God showed me her value by taking her away so I could feel the loss. And coming is an unraveling of sorts. And is a messy business but so worthy. So worthy. I am blessed God Loves me enough to help me find this precious woman to God. And to Intrust me to and know I would obey, no matter what she threw at me to chase me away. Sisters, children, people, police, words, scriptures, hard words to hear, will not keep this child away.
God showed me you in a dream. A dream we shared together for 9 months. And God’s not done with us yet. For God made a good thing with you, me and Dad. And God takes diamonds like that to High mountains and allows the son to shine through to show the beauty of what God did in secret. That while you slept and waited for the bride groom, that God was caring for his precious gift made from her. Taking care that every detail was just so. And that all her amazing quality that God took a piece from her and sowed into me and into my children. To prove what society said? Was a lie.
I know who’s I am. And who God made me from. God taught me about you from the you within. God taught me in secret while I grew up about the you in me. And God has blessed this child who Be-Linda Jean, through a woman God chose to take your place to teach me what you could not. To show you Gods grace. Just because she trained me takes nothing away, but adds back. Full circle. Closure. And completely amazing. Take my hand. I am your child. Let me lead you. And show you all God has done for and with what God made from you.
Thanks for diving deep and helping me pull Mama from the depth.
God bless you.