A fire within me burns for the child abandoned. A fire in my heart burns for a Mama that abandoned a piece of herself the day she relinquished. And every like and share fuels this fire that burns awAy what’s in our way. What is that you may be asking inside your head. Well, ignorance has blocked our path. And I am using my truth to pierce a hole in ignorance face shaped balloon idea.
That Mamas say good bye to precious babies kills us all. Woman may come and play house with Mamas miracles and practice playing house with us, but my question is this, “who really wins if a child must pay that price!” Such a price is so high. And I can no more cut off Mama than cut off myself. For she is there. Trapped in me. And trying to get out to come to us both.
My Daddy was a poet that sang poems set to music. So I speak poetically and from the heart. Not everyone understand poetry. But Mama does. Yeah she laid with that man and listened to him. She knows, but time has sprinkled dust on a once well lit road that Mama left behind when she took another road. She left her gift with another thinking she had made a mess and only made more of a mess in ignorance of the day. She’s only seeing the mess now. Because I am strong enough to tell her and show her where we need to clean up. Inside. Where stories are told and program what we think we see. Until a ghost from days gone by comes back. Me. I am Mamas ghost that rattles her cage and tries to find the combination she hid so long ago and can’t remember what it was. Not yet. But I am close. Real close.
I work to carve a safe path for those who search for themselves in their Mamas so they both can heal it and glean the lessons learned. I speak boldly and brashly so others will not have to. I speak fragmented so folks can learn this is how it is for us. Educate yourselves about Adoptees. There are many of us. We have to understand your stupid statements come from ignorance so we can change it. Many ignorance things done have lead many Adoptees to end their lives before they could even get old enough to search. I speak for them too. Their voices matter. Their lives mattered.
I came home without what I went for. Which was Mama. And family. I wanted to see Chelsie Lynn and hold her close and love her. And give her the greatest gift. But my heart may be big, but my babies dream can only come true if we all do the work and pull together. We all deserve a better family. A whole Family. This relationship we all have is sick and needs tending. And Mamas the root system to this tree. She need our love and acceptance. It’s crucial to her mental well being that we come together do her. Now. While we have time to do what we all know is best for this unit.
And we must begin and stop staling. This is our path. I can no more go away than the sun not shining. And to say about me what you’ve all said, to my face or Behind my back? Yeah. I feel that shit. And so does Mama. She just used to abuse. And abusing herself inside. Wearing a mask on the outside. But she need some new fuel. My fire from a man of fire. He gave her a gift so rare that she simpley must open her gift and peer inside to see the jewels within that are twined with hers and his. It’s a must. And jealousy is useless. For when Mama opened that door? There will be even more for all who partake. She is denied my portion with you all showing her to block her blessing come home?
Like I see. Clear as a bell. Look where I point. Stop pulling back from me. Grace can only cover what is confessed. Mamas said she not sorry. I agree. But she does feel horrible at the affect on me. Hello! Mama can’t go back except to look and learn about the affect. And Mama cares about the affect. Oh yeah. She truly does. But as I can see. I am the only one who can guide her and help her through this final phase of our reunion circle. Full circle. Good stuff to come when we are not weary in our well doing. We reap what we sow for. Can you see it yet? Where I want to take you all. Truthville.
Like let’s get real and work until it’s all
This fire is fueled by a love for my Mama. Like maybe no ones seen and needs to see. And I blaze a trail for others to walk.
Thanks for diving deep with me today.