A 54 years old toxic relationship is like breaking up with the critic who brainwashed you while you were growing within her. And you must look into the mirror and see the you she thought you were to change it inside you and remove or silence it. Those words spewed over my forming self, went deep into my psyche. But that is not me now. That’s just where I came from.
Burning it down is to come face to face with the person that could have been the one to snuff out the good in you that was poisoned by words spoken in ignorance. Meaning, not knowing what those words did to me and how they programmed me to feel worthless. Like haunting words that caused me to feel bad about me.
And growing up living with the truth that my Mama could be capable of doing this which meant I was capable and predispositions to do the same. I had to do better even though I was unaware of my issues and passed them o to my offspring. I see that now. We pass what is given, even if it sucks. It’s all we first know. Thank God for Mama Jean and her love and care. Like miracle grow she tended the wounds to my being and worked to educate me and help me see all that I was and could be.
She’s been working the Linda in me out for years. She been showing up when I fell and was mean because of not trusting. Due to being abandoned at my most vulnerable time, and sick as a dog. Malnourished and frail form. Many worked to help me heal. Thanks to a woman who wanted a child so bad, she took a child some lady didn’t deserve and ran with her. And never gave up. Her love is stronger than poison. She’s washed me with her love, kisses and unconditional love. I am grateful.
Breaking up with a woman called Mama is hard after 54 years of a toxic thing. But that’s where I went. Done. I’m nobody’s trash can. I am me. A child that survived a mortal wound. That was Renee by an angel. I am her work in progress. And she does t back down. So. Neither do I.
Thanks for diving deep with me today.