But Mama Jean deserves the best I’ve got to offer. It’s not much. And I am a mutt. No pedigree to speak of. And my Mama was, well unwilling to love and care for me. She could not face my father in me. Still can’t face him. She tells the story that she shipped him off to the army. And I believe she believes that story. But she didn’t face him at all. Because she can’t face me and own her shit. Her stuff. Her garbage. Her guilt. Her shame. And own it. That’s mine.
Like a fart, that’s a gone shart, her story stinks to high heaven. DAVID said it. DAVID, her grandson. Called it, “ I don’t believe a word either of them say.” Pretty good for a Math major, from UCLA. I mean clean up on isle 8. Someone shit themselves. Seriously folks. I know a lie when I hear it. I feel it. So does my boy. He’s very sensitive. Like Chelsie. Who’s being manipulated by the woman who tried to kill me in utero.
But. Enough about that Old bag Lady. She’s had enough time at the inner critic of my mind. Sit down bitch! Yeah. I remember the story as you played it out and I had a front row seat. But you thought I was like you. Dumb. But Lady, I am my Daddy’s girl. Cuz you killed my brother. So. I’ve got brains. I’m way head of you. Just like Daddy. And it wasn’t Daddy that date raped you as you call it. Was it? Linda?
No. It’s wasn’t. But I’ll give you time to digest that little morsel for now. It pretty big for a woman living on her own lies. But. With time. I think that story I’ve been asking for will find its way to me. Yeah. I thinks it’s time you faced yourself. And what really went down. Cuz I am a love child. You killed my brother. He died so I could live. You are a sick, twisted woman. DAVID called it again. Your a wizard. Like lord of the rings. Trying to cast your spells to make folks believe whatever you say. And you’re good. But not that good.
Oh. Hell no. I would not forget a thing like that!! Nope. Nor my brother John. Yeah. He had a name you sicko. You killed your only son. And my son called it. Makes me shiver to think I kissed you and lied to myself so long I thought I could forget. I’ve forgive you. You’re sick. And your poisoning is all with your fecal matter. Like grow up and own that shit. It’s not mine. It’s not the girls. It’s not my babies to help you ease your conscience for what you did to yourself.
Let’s the record show babies remember it all. If they focus and keep telling yourself what happened, as it was, so one day you could work up the courage to tell it to the world what your Mama did to her babies. As god is my witness. This is my truth. I gave her one last chance to own her truth. And drove to her house and face she and my sick sister. Who’s been fed from my Mama and twisted around so much she doesn’t even knows she’s been abused her whole
Life by a killer.
Go on Mama. Call me a lye now. I’ll take a polygraph test to prove it. It you don’t want that now do ya? No. But someone better watch Mama now. She’s gonna snap. This is the whole truth so help me God. I may be from Crazy. But that woman’s certifiable. A shape shifter. A manipulator. I’ve had to teach myself how to change that in my own nature and use it for good. I believe that’s why I was spared. I owe it to Johns memory. I love you bro. Never apart. And always present. In my heart and mind always. No secrets. Your now safe. And I’ve honored your memory and looked Her in the eyes. I have been patient and forgiving. I’ve shown up and allowed her three last tries. After 25 years to step up and tell the true story.
As my son stood there and listened to their Cat calls and gibberish about themselves. After we had come so far. And to see where he came from and why Nana works so hard to help us do better. Nana knows what Linda did. yeah she knows. But she wanted Linda to step up and own what she’d done. Nana stood in the gap Grama as we call her, created when she botched the abortion and killed my brother and found out she had had two children. I was still alive. Her plan failed. And I vowed before words. I would grow and learn as much as I could to be able to expose your deeds done in secret.
I have give Mama Jean all that I have to give. You troll. She wasn’t my Mama. Thank God for that. She is an angel sent from God to save me from a woman like you. Good luck in karma jail. I imagine Vickie’s the one that will be wiping your ass. Lol. Have fun Vicky. I know you e been waiting for the tables to turn. And you have my full support to administer karma. I know. She’s a mess. Educate her. Stand up to that woman. She’s toxic. Not me.
Well. Damn that felt good. I e held that in forever. Well. 54 1/2 years. Oh my goodness. So good. You just don’t know how hard it is to help your Body put to words what you went through without words and only having feelings at the time. And trying to figure out how to best described it. Not to mention being honest about myself so that I build relationship and with strangers and show them I am trust worthy to build my case so I would not be torn down or belittled. And yet she still tries to squash me. But she can’t squash this truth. Nope.
I grew up. I learned the lessons my Mama taught me. Tell the truth. It’s always better when your honest. Because this toxic garbage is my Mamas truth. I will not protect a woman who lies. For all that is done in darkness will be revealed. And I buried this so deep inside, just so I could go on. So I could live. So I could be. Who I am and have my dreams. And I do this for my Children. My babies I love. Pieces of a child grown into a woman, who almost died before she could live.
As I sit here drinking coffee and smoking a menthol to calm myself. Because this is incredibly difficult to cough up. The truth is bubbling up and my voice is coming back to me. And I will not swallow anything except truth. Her lies will not stop me. And her truth will be seen by the world. Let the record here state. My truth. Her truth. That’s she been trying to run from for years, coming right back to haunt her.
Thank you Chelsie for being a witness to it all. I am so proud of you for seeking help. Your love and anger have guided me. You hit the nail on the head and cut the wound wide open without even understanding what you did for Mama. Me. Your Mama who came from that woman you call Gramma. But she’s a fake. Nanas your gramma. She’s our angel. Come home.
I stand by these words I have written. It’s take me 54 1/2 years to cough them up. And as they keep coming back to me. I will set these truth free. So children’s rights will finally be protected. Finally. I stake my life on it. I was saved by my brothers hand to vindicate his death at the hands of our Mama, and to honor his life sniffed out to soon. My life was spared to tell the world. So we can change.
Thank you for diving deep with me today. It’s hard diving deep to dig out a truth like this. To be courageous and trust your instincts and tell the ugly truth on your own Mama.
I am grateful god sent me back to the mirror. So I could look into the eyes of the enemy that’s within my Mama and face the cold hard truth and see it stare back at me in defiance. So I could see what I truly needed to do.