There is no comfort

There is no comfort for the adopted. We don’t need comfort from anyone except our Mamas. And if we can’t have our Mamas! Well, it’s time you all felt a bit of what we feel, uncomfortable is what we feel. All day long and each more break.

Many commit suicide because the realization of that fact? Is just to much for the spirit within to take. And the spirit within us all is God. So God in them couldn’t take it in human form.

My eldest daughter showed me today, the full extent of the injuries to my psyche by telling me what I look like to her. I see what she says even if she thinks I don’t. And what she can not see is she has been hurt too, by adoption, through me, her Mama who was so deeply affected by it that all I can think about is my Mama.

It’s like when Mama left a homing beacon was set off, seek home, seek Mama, do all you can to find her. And what I see is that as time passes, it gets louder and louder so as to cause me discomfort until I comply to my bodies demands. I am my own best friend now. I must break through so my children can also heal. For they deserved better than what I was and am. I want better for myself than to have my own children lash at me as if I am a monster. That is no fun to experiences when I bore them in love and thought that maybe they would see and help me make it better. But they don’t see anything except a Bizrate woman rambling on and on about someone who I came from.

I do feel like a records going around and around saying the same thing and no one even doing a thing to help me. It’s really hurtful to watch folks and hear the words they say to me. It’s nothing new. But I never thought my own children would be part of the mob. Hey have watched me and seen how I act? And have just abandoned me too. Emotionally and physically. Many times when they were all I had to cling to, like they when they were born clinched to me. But in Adoption, the child like Jesus keeps getting crucified.

I’ve criticized myself my whole life trying to be better than I am. I have a long row to hoe. And I do most of it myself, like other adoptees in their dark closets. We do piece work and peace work trying to piece our now torn lives back together with little help and no one qualified except us. The mavericks if this cause. Who dare to stand up and say change is the only way.

Death of my body, or death of adoption. Those are my choices. Yes. I know. That’s a tough target indeed. But I’ve got a bead on it. I need to steady myself and aim. Take my time. Do the set up. And then shoot. And I could do it way better if I had some more determined marksman. Yes. We could pierce this thing for good with the amo we’ve been saving. I believe the armory of our experiences could set the world straight. And could settle it once and for all. For we know. Our truth is solid as a rock. We only have to fire. And then we watch and see the change happen.

I know it’s hard. And you don’t want to upset anyone. And you always seem to. But why not make all this upset count? Say what WE MEAN, and not what they say we mean. Let’s put it down on paper, up in the cloud, and deep in each person hearts what needs to be said, by us! We need to come to attention and speak our precious feedback. Precious because we sweat, bleed, fought, and many died because of this life. And many of are like me. Hung up and hung up on.

Unity is what we are. Linked by Mother Earth and God the Father. We are the children of this planet. We are Gods chosen. But we must show up and step into our roles as citizens of this planet and tell the feedback needed to help folks see why this change is needed.

Please pray protection over me. As I speak truth into the air waves, a new consciousness is created by canceling out an old program that is out of date and not of good use. It’s not the best solution if it does not benefit all. And Adoptees, many, I feel all experiences a diminished sense of well being having to face the world without their own Mama. And also, the diminishment of family connections cause a defragmentation affect on generations to come as the emotional detachment of the Mothers energy continues.

Let me pray for all Adoptees here. I don’t know all that you e been through. It I feel many of your intense emotions and identify with you. I see you. And I am calling for help!! I am calling help! Don’t give up. We will change this! I have felt all of it. god let me feel it so I could express it for us all. It fuckin hurts like hell!

Lord. Give Adoptees all over the planet some encouragement. Lord let them know like you showed me, that they matter. That you see them right where they are. That you are also their in Spirit within them. Lord, I pray for strength. I need your strength to do this that you have shown me needs doing. May I do well. I ask that you help each and every adoptee to know that this is not your plan. But that your in it. And that you see what has been done. And that you through us will change it if we let you use our truth. Lord give us courage to speak what we know and let folks make the only conclusion that is. Change.

Truth is subjective to the one who experienced it. Each person has their own truth, or let’s say take on everything. Each person is their own expression, if you will. We are like conduits. Our bodies are finely tuned equipment of biological matter. And biological is not logical and makes miss steps. Unaddressed missteps make mistakes and if left unaddressed, become sin, (a missed Mark) Adoptees know full well they are out of place and need to go home. It’s written in our DNA.

Adoption does not validate that because we don’t validate that. Well we are staring too. But we can do more. But standing by while this goes on when you know full well you have the medicine for the cure us Sin as well. And Adoptees must face that truth first to even have the strength for the rest. Stand in our truth and watch our truth change is what I say. And will say, until I round all you 1’s back into the 99.

My Mama may not know it. But she saved me so I could grow up and make it better for her and all you all Bio Mamas out there! Your Babies do need you. You’re their leader? We all need to heal. And we need a big hug. Lordy this is intense!

Let’s take this intense energy and send it back where they can feel it and stinking change it. Gods blessing is not on us if we know to do better and do it not. For all you Christians out there. Gods calling. Pick up the phone or suffer your own consequences. Do nothing. Get nothing. Do Much and receive much.

Let us begin. It’s time for change. Show up do the work and see. Truth is power. Use it. God is with us.

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