My Mama hasn’t told me. Either of them.

Saline abortion.

A term for the type of abortion that has been suggested for your friend is pregnancy reduction— a deceptive term that means killing a baby. The theory is that following infusion with saline into the amniotic sac, the baby is delivered dead, or if still quite young, his or her body decays and is absorbed by the mothers body. In whatever way it is accomplished, the goal is to end the life of a living child. As well, there is often a reassurance that the other baby(s) will suffer no ill effects, but there are no guarantees and such trauma to one baby can affect the others who are living so closely in the same environment.

  1. Why do I feel so strongly about this? I feel like this is me. I have no answers to my life.
  2. I feel very strongly that my Mama has very strong negative feelings towards me. Because she can not even call me and chat for years. And quotes scriptures to tell me I am a demon from hell. Ok? My adopted parents did not treat me like that. I think I know when someone’s got some kind of feelings that they are not sharing.
  3. My Mamas got all the signs of a woman in denial. Stories that are not true. Now that I have dispelled them with my report.
  4. She appears to be happy? Until I come over unannounced! She call to alert the police of my presence as if I plan to oft her or some such nonsense?
  5. I feel Mama has a lot to say and it needs to be said. Her baby girl is asking some questions. And I have been a good little adopted girl. So. Hey. Please, stop denying it. Ok? It’s getting real irritating to have you keep blowing off your own daughter who was there and who has given herself to god who was definitely there. God saw what you did? If it’s good? Tell me.
  6. I wonder why after being a good adoptee? I have not gained some honor to receive my true birth story of how I came to be. I should hear it from her lips. But I am forced by her to discuss t here to gain some peace of mind about myself and my children’s heritage? Lordy.
  7. Woman don’t want to admit to even doing something like this. I feel that admiring is a kind of confession. Either way. Something up in Mama town for sure. She all sweetly since I started talk up here about it all.

What the hell do we do? Mamas out to lunch. Go talk and Ask the neighbors! Like Mama’s struck dumb and can’t speak? Never saw this day coming? Mamas always got a word. That’s where I get all this.

I miss that crazy woman so much. Adoptions crazy. Coming home is crazy. I am ready for whatever she’s got. I’ll listen. I do want to understand. That’s all I really am saying today. I am a good listener. I just don’t always agree. Maybe I see a better way? Maybe God showed me one? Maybe that’s what I am building here? Post by post?

I am an artist. This is a huge picture I paint here of the realities of Adoptees lives, the families realities that are altered after relinquishment, the lack of preparedness. If baby just stay with theirMamas, no need to go find her or be found? Why were we lost? Why were our Mamas lost? We say word that show us what is here? And yet we don’t see how used to the trauma we have gotten. I do.

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