My house is a mess

Cleaning up your mind means taking time to sort things out. For me an adoptee, I had a lot of programming told to me that was not helpful and was not true. I needed to dump that. These brains of ours are strong. And for me at least, I won’t say for my adoptee brothers and sisters, mine held on to everything my Mama said to me while inside her, what folks said to me after, through out my life. But unless you’ve experienced adoption first hand like me, please don’t try to advice me. Ok?

And stop advising other little Adoptees. Ok? Don’t try to tell them how to handle the loss of their family. Ok? You adoptive parents, need to realize that, and this is not easy to write because it directed at my Mama Jean as well, that we lost it all when we went home with you. And that a hard pill to swallow. For us both. Cuz adoption cuts. Us off. From our DNA and that huge.

As research comes to light. You all will see what I say is true. And we are comin into a new day for the adoptee and it’s about time. Adoption must be exposed for what it is for us, not you. Everyone’s got a dream. And Adoptees have dreams too. And our dreams start with our Mamas. You take that? And you’ve killed our dream to have yours. I know. This is a cutting report.

  • Surgery is needed. This must be cut open so that my people bleed out this bad blood that adoption has created. It’s not that we who were thrown out with the bath water wish to abandon those who showed up. No. That’s not my goal at all. My goal is to show what is under that new coat of paint that was painted over or lives. The adopted.
  • Adoption hits you full force. The child, as I, now left with a hole. Just like the parents that adopted us. Who lost their chance at creating children. We lost. How? Do we made this a win?
  • Abandoning Mama Jean is out. Because even though I lost, she showed up. And did what she could back in the day when there was nothing to help her have a child. And abandoning my Mama is out too. I will not be like either of my Mama who swing to one side. I will stay in the middle and call them to stand with me. Both. Side by side.
  • It’s a crazy idea. I know. But with strength and determination to not abandon again, we can achieve this task. And Ive done what my Mamas wanted. Now I ask, which is not what was done to me, I was just forced to go. My rights were not considered. Only my safety.
  • I was not safe to stay with my own Mama. That’s scary. That means that many woman don’t even get what pregnancy is. And it means that woman are ignorant to their ability to co create life with the universe. My Mamas a Christian. So I can’t leave her an ignorant hot mess. Even if she never faces me and tells me her horrific story about how she gave her gift away, I must educate her.

There is a new day dawning. And Adoptees must see this coming as our numbers increase each day. I am getting more and more likes on Facebook, twitter, and here. So our courage is growing. And our pain demands release. So we have to tell our stories to make folks see what can be done better for children to come.

We’ve lost our parents and nothing but the truth can bring them back. If at all.

But we can tell our stories. And they will help children to come for generation to come. We can do that will our shitball stories. As I throw my shit balls here, and away from me, the world can smell the smell of roaring minds holding onto our memories of a Mother long gone, and yet she’s still alive within the children she refused.

How is adoption progress when children languish for a Mama no one sees after adoptions slapped a new coat of paint on us? How? I ask you? After reading my shit? How can you say it smell so sweet? What do we do with all this information about a woman long gone? What do we do with all the love that naturally is within a child towards their Mama? When she’s been moved? And no forwarding address is given to us? How I ask? Myself? Because you all just don’t get it, so I won’t ask you. For sure.

But as of late. My house is a mess. And I am rearranging a lot inside myself. So that all thoughts and ideas can find their place within me and the garbage can go. Mental garbage that is. I am trying to show my Mamas the extent of my love is far reaching. And my forgiveness is real. But things must change. I refuse to be silent while children all day are separated from their Mamas and sent into the mental hell I was so long ago. Because I am not there anymore. But I still remember the emotions with scissor like accuracy.

And so I shared them here. And saw how they cut you too. Now you know how I felt. Would you change it for me if you could? And if yes? Remember, you can’t for me, but you can for another child. Help our future generations. Children are the future. We should be valued. For we hold the keys to a world much better if we tell the truth.

Thanks for diving deep with me today.

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