But I folks just didn’t see why. I was so sensitive. They said it was this and that it was that. But only I knew what made me sensitive and at the time, when I was growing up, there just was not time to sort it out.
After children came into my life it was not time to sort either. But after they were grown? I could not stop the feelings that always came up. I could not silence the child within that no one listened too. And I knew. I had to make this right myself and that not even my Mamas could save me. I had to tell the story. The story was the only thing that would bring me back to center.
Adoption is a bipolar thought. Adoption is bipolar. And the children thrown into it? Become the products of a bipolar way of thinking where this and that that are told to us and they just don’t make sense when you add our experiences into the bowl of solution adoption is not.
I feel my sensitively give me the edge. I have felt these strong energies my whole life. What energies to you ask? Exclusivity for one. Rejection of an Idea in child form. Secrecy. Secrecy was a hard one to overcome. Lying, when you are a lie. It is hard to see our truth below the overlay of Adoptions labels. But I speak it anyway like water dipping from a spicket the bucket will get filled and over flow at some point. That’s why I write my truth. It’s gonna fill this bucket of ignorance with truth and pour out onto you all.
Change is here. But change was here in 1963. I just had to grow up and learn and learn so I could speak the words to change your minds about me.
My Mama was the first person on the list. She needs to understand the affect her actions had on me, her child.
She has not taken it well. But well? Neither did I. Having to witness the truth alone without her. But I made it anyway.
Each day I post here. And each day more people like my posts. And each day I connect post to post. Soon their will be a web for all to see the enormity of this issues that folks say is not an issue. Time. Is on our side.
Take heart. If your adopted. Don’t give up. If your a bio Mama. Don’t give up. We children still need you to help us. Change this world.
Thanks for showing up. I know it’s hard reading all my pain. It hits on yours. But that is what healing is. Recognizing pain and learning why and then changing it.