Me and my Mama

i know. ita not humorous arguing with gour Mama about stuff you didnt get to argue about becasue she gave me up for adoption. i have the same questions every child has, mine have just been denied due to geogrpahy.

i need to laugh. this is very difficult. telling your turned around Mama that you cared. and that she meant a lot to you even though she gave you away.

if she never gets this. this is the thing. ill go on without her. But. no one will be able yo say, she didnt know. she had a chnace to change it. and if she choses to walk away again? she knows how i feel about it.

Does this blog look like Adoption really won? does it look like my Mama and i are winning? our family is messer than when we started. im over here. they are over there. hownis this a win?

I see one win for us? we didnt have to a rew up the first years with all this. i see that. but nothing has really changed with me and Mama except now i can speak and tell her what i feel. mu return has stopped her dead in her tracks and now a new story is streaming in that drives the old away. She may keep closing the door. thatbis her free will choice.

But this time. she’ll know exactly whats she doing and did. She can chose to alter her course and maybe change her opinion of me? Or she can just go merrily along her way without me. but this time. she knows ghe price I paid without her. Its on her this time. ignorance has been removed from this game.

So, her descison now is based on the truth. Hers about me. All i have done is shed some light on her dark road away from me. shes the one who sees me as a monster for daring to speak. Your right, you cant take words back that are spoken. I dont want them back. I mean She should just learn from my words and not take them so hard.

I mean I felt these things for so long. And no one gave a shit. I’ve gone on like that for years. No counseling could help me like telling the truth has. She acts so upset. I’ve been upset for years dealing with a Mama who did this to me so unknowingly. How do you explain that to your Mama? Well. Not easily for sure.

She has shown me the intent she had back then. It’s not changed at all, she just painted over it. My truth peeled the paint back and showed what was underneath. Now she has to decide which way to go with it? Run? Away? Or run? Towards her daughter. Who’s pretty patient. And still love her anyway.

Shit happens. I get it. But. We all still have to clean up our messes before we face the king beyond the veil. My Mamas gonna get clean. She loves Jesus. And I know she does not want to take this to the throne of grace and have to tell God why His grace was not enough for her and her baby?

Thanks for diving deep


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