My Mama’s were raised in another time.

Back in the day when I was born, it was very different than what it is like today for woman and children. And still today, we struggle to hit the mark. Woman have been baring children for years and the world goes around and around. And yet woman, many of whom have made great sacrifices, and gambled for their children well being.

Adoptions touts that they save lives and increase a childs status quo and erases any perceived stains from a childs record, and yet the relinquishment of a child to auction off to the highest most hungry bidder is precisely what is really going down. A manipulation, that is what Adoption is.  Free will. And even though we get a free will pass, we must remember, that at the other end of that free will is the affect on others and ourselves. I speak my truth to break the sound barrier that keeps the minds of society deaf to our voices and our stories.

I was born in a time of war and the sexual revolution. Many children were removed for such behavior as to be wild and free and procreate, and the people procreating did not understand the responsibility that comes with intimacy and a child. We all are learning. My Mama’s did their best with what was available at the time. I get that.

What I talk about is what I see that could make it way better, than another child having to hit the road to protect them from the heat. Because we still get heat. Especially kids like me. I was loud and proud about being adopted and answered countless questions and educated people about what we feel and think all along my way growing up. How can people know something you don’t teach them?

I have been observing the people in my life forever. I have asked for the things I speak of here before, but I was young. They think I forgot, or was maybe just mentally disabled and babbling. Either way, I have needs that have not been met. And one is the need for physical contact with my Mama, and a workable relationship, founded on honest and truth, in love. Like, educational, each learning the other. My Daddy was real keen on learning. She did not see that in him, well, it was there, cuz its in me.

Back in the day you saved face. You just moved on and learned your new lines and practiced them and taught them to your children. My Mama’s life was altered Mam, she carried me for nine months like it was nothing, popped me out and went home to clean the bathroom. That is not exactly, normal. Kind of twisted. Cleaning a dirty bathroom after giving birth to your girl? hmmm?

Well, it was some kind of coping mechanism for sure. She cleaned that mess up in her mind and neatly place it within her heart, incapsulated, in love. As much as she had to give me at the time. And now I just want to show her what I did with that seed? I mean I took her twisted idea of love and ran with it. I have been loving people for years and shine my light on many who are in the dark and need help lighting a situation up. My children are trained to do the same, by my example. They do it like breathing. And are very sensitive like me.

Mama, Hey, many people judge woman who do what you do. There are many schools of thought on Adoption. And I feel it benefits you the Mama of a child touched by adoption to be informed of my stand about it. And that I always stand for you, but don’t always see it like you, or agree. Mutual respect is all I ask. I do not bow to anyone except Christ, God, Source.

I know what you thought back then and now. And I see it. And all we need is one on one time and wine and love to iron it out. Do you hate ironing too? Well, brush up on ironing. I cleaned those dirty windows you were looking through, and you might want to clean you mind up too, it is dirty in here, remember, children leave cells behind, after birth, mine are still inside you. That is why I am under your skin, I always have been.

Trust, God. Would the God you know and serve, send you a demon? The devil my ass. God is all. Victory is always available, but we must believe. Believing Gods promises means practicing his word so that You can see the laws work. Trust this process. You will thank me in the end. I know, it hurts, and is disruptive.

And I see how my conception, birth and relinquishment caused such a disturbance for you. More than you could take at the time. I sincerely apologize. Seems strange apologizing to your Mother for being, but it feels right. But I am here to help you see me differently, but you must lay the old me down and it will only be for a second, and I will be right back to connect on a better plane. We don’t need to meet in secret anymore, and the girls be damned! They do  not own you. You are the Mama of 4 girls. We all matter and they don’t seem to get that? What do  you do? Grab them by the ear and show them? Well, heavens no, they are grown and should get it. But they don’t. Tough one for sure.

I mean they don’t even see your sacrifices, all they can think about is their old status quo. I wonder, do they even consider how it feels when they agree to exclude me from the family events and Mother daughter events as well. I imagine you must have to keep me small not to upset their little play going on and on. And I gladly have accepted that for a time, separation is how it would be for you and me. But I desire to break that policy and reconnect to you. It seems so stingy of them to  agree, that whatever you have told them is true. They don’t know you do they? Oh, when Mama tests… I learned long ago.

I’ll say this. They really don’t want to deal with me without Mama in my life. Mama Jean knows what its like and she kind of tired of it by now and wishes you would step the hell up and be good to the girl you gave her. OK? Many sides here. When you want your family to win, you have to address any and all weak links and discuss them. My family is non responsive, which to me means we are out of date and need to communicate our views and beliefs so we can get to know one another. My family is a bit reclusive and paranoid about me, which tells me they have many fears that they are not even fully aware of. They feel discomfort and think it is me, and yet, it is our Mama, calling me home and sisters that  need to grow the hell up.

You girls got her, 24/7. And Victoria? You don’t even appreciate Mama, like I do. You tell me it is Mama’s fault that you did not go to college, it was your own fault. You did not ask for help to fill out your forms and expected Mama to do it for you. Like hello! You chose another way! Own it. Be proud of it, stand up for yourself. Your time is worth something, don’t just give it away to those who do not see your worth. Liz best be paying you for being her live in Nanny. Seriously, or do what she can to help you. Teach her kids to respect you.

Adoption is confusing for all of us, and the information is not up to date if children like me who are grown now, stand idley by and let child after child slip through the fingers of their Mama’s and into a world without her. Mama’s are needed b their children for their best chance at well being. Relinquishment is an extremely harsh energy for a child to experience. And to grow up knowing that she’s out there somewhere living on without you is crushing to the spirit of every child relinquished.

The times have changed.

So the world must change.

Procrastination never does a thing

What kind of world do we want?

What are we will to work for?

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