It’s in the stars.

I used to not believe in astrology, numerology, tarot, and horoscopes. I was fearful and very scared of all of these things. When I was 9, I used a ouji board with some friends. The board spelled out the name of my first boyfriend. It scared me half to death. Because I hadn’t met him yet. I was stunned at the boards accuracy, and scared of such a thing.

My maternal family of origin as I have seen with my own eyes are a fearful bunch. My Mama is at the head of the fear train and she instructs everyone within to stay away from the very things I have chosen to blatantly explore. My Mama was scared too, when spirit spoke to her, like me, the day that board spelled out that name to me.

I come from a family of intuited. And I am very sensitive. My Grandmother was a writer. She channeled messages from God and family that where on the other side. Because of fear, she only channeled Messages from God. She had the gift of a seer and a scry. I possess her gifts.

But because I was cut from my Mother, I do not hold her beliefs to the extreme that she does. And that scares her. For fear has ruled my maternal family for years. But it stops with me. As I shoot every demon that has pledged them for to long. I scry like breathing because I don’t know any better. It’s just how I am. And my eyes see beyond what is visible. I see ahead. Far ahead.

I am very psychic. Ask my children. They will tell you about how I just know things. Because of relinquishment, I am wide open. My psyche was cracked open by relinquishment. And I feel it all. Loss of your Mama, breaks you wide open so you can survive. And god used that opening to keep my bond to source strong and natural. I am not inhibited by church doctrines. Because I am connected to source. It’s so natural that God had to make me fully aware of again.

My gifts are powerful and are for good. My power comes from source power. God. My sister Victoria is a scry as well, she’s just blocked. She and I are soul sisters. And we are most concerned with Mama. Victoria is my inside link. I connect to her and send loving energies to help her help our leader. I always have.

My Mama is very psychic and so is Mama Jean. Mama Jean took me to the next level. Mama was to infected with fear. But Mama Jean had faith and instinct. She knew what to do for me. Even though Mama was fearful, her love which was pure, helped me. Beyond the curtain of the physical, mama send loving energy to me in secret.

Adoption was the narrative we spoke by day. But we all knew who we were down deep. And we all have our roles. And what I see and will not deny for adoption sake is that, we all are now, connected. And our minds must adjust to what is now being shown, by me, the child. And what I see is connection, and grief, and loss, and fear, and people trying to show up and do a job, that’s not what we are. But change makes people fear. We ask and wonder,”what lurks beyond what I have known?”

What lurks around the Corner is freedom from an old way. Expansion is in our future. As we expand our minds beyond adoptions dialogue we see a vast horizon that has not been painted yet. And I am the giver of paint and brush. And I have cleared the canvas of all that instructs us from progression.

Our past. Now exposed to light and air can heal. We can see and learn from our steps and why. We can expand our minds and understand so much more than the lines we have read. For years. This narrative has changed. And for me, now includes it all. I will not exclude one bit of this, for it is part of the whole.

My Mamas came together and hatched a plan. My Mama could not see my new Mama. I get that. It did not make it easier that Mama didn’t know? She struggled with that decision for years. And from what I have seen lately? She still does. And all that I try to do for her goes through a filter called her brain that now can’t do the math, because adoption was a bit off on their math.

Try to explain that to your Mamas? Hello! Oh, but should I just hold it in? Not say a thing and go on? Even though it’s so very difficult to deal with? Sister that don’t care? Mama that’s calling the police more than she calls you? Daughter who’s run off like a wildling in game of thrones. The list goes on and on. And I can only stare at a mess so long.

Time is of the essence. We have healing to do to get to the promised land. That’s is why truth is so key. We can not appear before the king unless all our burdens are laid down at Christ feet by way of confession. Our missed marks stay missed for us. After death we have no more chances to change it. My Mamas are at the age that they need to see that we are not done here. We are at full circle.

My baby girl who ran off like a wildling, no goodbye, stabbed at my heart. I see how it felt for my Mama. It hurts like hell being separated from your child. What am I to do? Just act like Mamas not hurt? Or go there with her? Just go there. And work. And work to prove to her you mean not harm and never did. Because you now clearly remember why she adopted you out. And you want to make sure before she leaves this world that she sees the blessing, in you. Or me.

Corinthians says it best.

1 Corn 13-12

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Love is knowing what we do. Jesus died because people knew not what they did. And they still have not learned completely. That fear is a contender here. Not a victor. God give us power, love and a sound mind. We must hold to that in times of change. And know that all is God and God is all.

All that I have gone through has been seen by god. All my Mamas have been through has been seen by god. What we do with that experiential knowledge is up to us. We must see the value in our experiences. And we must report our findings so other who travel our way or consider our way can know exactly what they are getting into.

watch the video below. what she says is spot on. and these modalities are used by god to communicate to us. god is all and all is god. i went there within the hand of god as the scriptures tll me. and learned. fesr keeps us ignorant. and that ahot sfops with me.

thanks for diving deep with me tofay.

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