To my family

This blog is not about you. Even though I talk aBout you. It’s about me. Ok? Yeah. Me.

And I need to get closure. I need closure about my Mama. And no one wants to talk to me and help me work it out. Counselors don’t help.

Your actions perplex me. So I blog about it. You did not want to give me an audience, and that’s your right. And I have the right to work it out on my own. This is how I am doing it.

If your upset, don’t blame me. I am just a person who’s trying to work it out as best I can. This box doesn’t fit. And I need to work it out.

You all were to busy to take the time for me so I need to write about it. So I figured here was best. Where all can see. So folks can learn. Because my truth is valid. My perspective is of value if we can look at the cold hard facts that I present.

Ok. If I really liked Adoption. If I really enjoyed my Mama just giving me to the first person who shows up. Then why would I even give a shit about you? Adoption says your nothing to me. Adoption said my Mama was just a donor. If that is true for adoption, then it’s true for all. Mothers are donors or Mothers are more than donors.

So. Be mad. No one told you not to be. But think about what and who you are really mad at. Me? Or a world that could blindfold you so well that you think you can see. Who’s for you. Me? Who told the truth? Or the world that lies to your face?

But I am ok if your out. Like it’s ok if my kitchens to hot for ya. I am not in short supply of friends and family. They love me for me. And you all, well don’t.

This is a big bridge I am burning here. And if my family can’t get it? Well, I mean I’ve spelled it out a millions times. They just can’t figure out what I am saying and I am tired. I really wanted this to get straightened out. But I have no more time for that.

Mama Jean said Chelsie want me to stop talking about Gramma. And I’d love to ablidge. But change is coming. And I will be on the front lines telling my tales so folks can see what we the adoptees see and experiences. Reform is difficult. As you can see, and my family is no different, people hate change and love comfort. Ok. Keep your old way.

Just don’t come crying to me. Ok. Don’t come to me at all. Just forget all I said. Why should I cast my pearls before a swine. You don’t deserve me. You just don’t.

And Mama Jean does. Your right Mama. So fucked up. Just so fucked up right now. I just am shocked and in denial that my Mama is like this? That this is the family I came from? Wow!

And they want to say I am a bad mom? And keep my baby from me? Great. Just great.

Good night. I so need some good dreams to come my way. This is a nightmare. Looking at people that share my DNA and experiencing how they treat me because I got a bit upset and frustrated because they don’t see me. They have excluded me. I mean if my Mama is going on Mother daughter weekends and I am not invited? There is an issue.

It sucks to be me. It sick to see the truth beyond all that folks told me. Thanks Adoption for not making me grow up with this. I see. I see. Some Mamas just don’t deserve a second chance I guess?

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