You know getting honest and down with it is challenging. Especially when your honest truth is not appreciated. I mean I’ve lived this life of mine and I think I know how I feel and felt.
People get all upset when I say it out loud. But could give a shit that that’s how I felt? I mean excuse me? But that kind of messed up?
Like,”feel bad honey but don’t bother me?” Or “suck it up and move on”. But moving on without reporting your experiences keeps it going? I don’t want to keep it going? Adoption is just to much to expect of the children relinquished. It hard to wrap your brain around a concept that no one really gets? And children? Are thrown into adoption daily with no rights, no idea why? And no hope of going home?
Why? Adoptions brainwashed the world into thinking your the crazy one. It is who are crazy for loving our Mamas and wanting what every red blooded child needs? Yeah world. We’ve come so far haven’t we?
Mama Jean and Mama had their chances at life. This was their choice. My Mama has not told me why? I really don’t think an explanation is to out of line at this point? How long will she refuse me my right? My own Mama? How long will my Mama go on with this charade?
How long will she lock me out of her life? Because I am not meeting her in her dramas anymore. She’s gonna have to come see me if she wants my energy to heal her. I’m. It giving it out for free anymore. She thinks she’s gone on alone and she’s disconnected from me.
Well meets test it. Lord, I ask that you Sheila me from my Mamas sucky assessment of me. I ask that you send back all said about me by family. I ask that you rub their noses in it. Let them smell their own mental shit talk. I talk here in public. They talk in private. Just as deadly.
It’s funny Mama thought I didn’t know how she felt back then. She thought I was a blob, a Mindless thing growing within her? She thought I could not feel it all. She thought I would just be ok with it like this and still does evidently. I haven’t seen her drive up to my house yet?
She’s not used to being called out. See she gave me away. So she’s soft and lazy. But it’s time for role call. Sargent Belinda’s gonna lead drill. It’s time we learn somethings. I’ll teach you what I know, you teach me what you know. And we will all be better for it.
If ya face shame and guilt. There will be no shame In Your game. If not? There a shame mole in your life. Get it out. Shame comes when we don’t change when it time. It’s time for us to change but hello! It takes all involved to make it happen. Why the hell would my family not change? Hmmm? That’s a real good question we can discuss later.
Thanks for diving at all with me