My Mama challenges my feelings.

Feeling are feelings. My feelings were intense and very challenging to withstand. My

Body did not like being separated from my Mama. Not at all. And I was a child. How could I realize at the time that my whole issue was steamed from that most important bond being severed. And severing does not cut clean. Nor does it denote a complete cut.

Because it’s felt like my Mama and me have been gimping about with our hearts torn out. And I am absolutely shocked to see my sisters acting as they do? Shocked? I know Mama. I memorized her. That’s why I am like her. And a lot of her has been hidden from my sisters. But I preserved Mama inside me. Like memorizing scriptures or lyrics. I memorized my Mamas every move. I even have a heart palpitation. My heart skips a beat. Hers does too. That’s what makes her jumpy. It’s scary.

From what I also have seen. Like the good stuff is my Mama has the best kitchen. I’ve worked in many commercial kitchens in my day and Mamas is top knotch. She’s got all the gadgets and bells and whistles. And she beautiful. Just like Mama Jean is but different. More like me. Mama Jean is very extremely amazing at conversation. See? Adoption took that! Damn thing. If we adopt, we should get all of the new families gifts too! Well, maybe I did pick up a few tricks from Mama Jean. She’s pretty sharp.

(That was a stab at sarcasm.) adoption didn’t take that from me. But Mama Jeans got gifts I don’t have and may never have cuz it’s just not in my DNA? Or Maybe I am wrong?

Maybe because I was raised by her I am quite different. I mean I was raised completely differently than Mama would have done. I would not have gone to Jamaica and seen the fire limbo in a club where no children are allowed. But they allowed me in? See, there was fun. But I just couldn’t share it with Mama. That sucked. I stood on a water fall at the invitation of the owner, because our driver was a friend. I ran my hand over the sleeping grass to make it lay down. I found a conch shell on the beach!! And swam in the ocean. Our driver, Shack took care of me like I was his sister. I haggled with the merchants and scared Mama Jean half to death because I wandered off and tried to buy something myself. Lol. Oh Mama Jean had her work cut out for her. Jamaica was amazing. I was ten when I went. And I remember and cherish that trip always. It was the last trip my parents would take with me before divorcing. And life was still good.

Loosing my Dad to divorce poked at my wounded heart. I missed him so much and it reminded me of Mama. How much I missed her. My Dad was good to me.

It’s not that life is so bad. It’s just that we can’t share it with the one we came from. And that’s a natural thing that’s cut out when your adopted and I value that.

The fact that United States has not included itself in the signing of this convention tells me why it’s so hard to be heard. Our rights are not valued in America. Children are still slaves here.

On the page from the link below it’s states a child’s right. And the top right is access to both parents! We have t agreed to this by signing. So America is in the dark ages about children. Go figure.

Adoptions cuts a child off from that. I bet one fundamental right as a citizen of this planet? Seriously. This needs to change and now. I am the daughter of a woman I love very much and would like to be able to express that love to her. Could you all update? Do we that journey home can come home to a sane woman with her wits about her.

Update needed-

Adopted kids care about their families and their Mamas- honor that.

Put your damn dreams down and look at your child and see an orphan for god sake. Treat them as such. They are wounded.

Fairytales don’t make sense. Don’t tell them.

Hard facts are easier to help us ground into what is not what you wish was. Ok?

Be kind to adopts. They e lost all they had at birth or beyond. That’s a lot to deal with.

Parents teach for kids about other kinds of people so they don’t freak out and stick their foots into their mouths talking to us. Because, for me at least? I’ll shove that back in their mouths and make them bite their tongue so they remember not to go their with me again.

Why don’t teachers read adoption books. I’ll write some real ones so adopted kids can get the facts and not candy coated shit stories that go nowhere and help no one.

Stop talking smack about our Mamas behind closed doors where you kids who are young and have no filter can take them and throw them on us. Ok? We have enough on our plate as it is. Dealing with your ignorant child is not helping. Be sensitive. Be aware. We don’t need your pity. We need your encouragement to keep going on when we lost it all to start and are having to build again. K?

Be nice to my Mama. Don’t talk behind her back. She been through enough. Stop lying to her and saying it ok. Tell her it’s not. That reuniting with me is her best beat. It’s the only one she’s not tried. I am a sure bet.

Not all adoptee are as outspoken as me. I owe that to my Mamas. They made my life happen. And it’s complicated, this life. But with education, lots of research, we can find a better way and see the dawn of a new day. They surely did not imagine us being here.

But I say, “of course we would be here, but let’s not stay, let’s clean this up and make room for better days and better ways”.

These are a few updates that help.

Adoptees are the researchers of adoption. We lived it. And I for one know we can do better by children.

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