Even though. All that I’ve written.

I still want my Mama in my life.

Even though it is all fucked up.

I STILL WANT MY MAMA. K?

like throw what you want on me.

I want what I came here to love.

Like why is that a bad thing?

To want your Mama?

Hey you? Yeah, you reading or trolling here? Can I take your Mama and give you another? Right now? Yes.

Let me have your Mama.

I’ll give you a replacement Mama that will stand in for her while she’s gone.

She’s a peach and will be really good to you. Ok?

But, remember, you won’t be able to talk to your old Mama. Ok?

And you won’t be able to see her. Ok?

And you can’t smell her, or hear her voice.

Now when your upset and need your Mama to talk to, you will have to talk to the replacement.

Oh, by the way, she won’t know anything about you or your Mama. But she’s nice and will try her best to stand in. Ok?

You’ll get used to it. And in time, with gratitude, and practicing to remember that this is your Mama now. Ok?

All you will be left with is the memories of your old mama ok? . And that kind of challenging, but pay no mind to how you feel. Ok?

Everyone agrees that you’ll adjust to the change. And remember. Don’t bring up your old Mama. That kind of upsets the new Mama, cuz she showed up to take that old Mamas place. Just forget that old Mama. She’s just yesterday’s trash. Ok?

And never mind explaining all that. And don’t pay anyone any mind because they don’t get it? Forget explain wjy? It’s just how it has to be.

SO GET USED TO IT HONEY.

DRY THOSE TEARS.

NO ONE CARES HOW YOU FEEL

IT FOR THE BEST. OK?

Get over her fast. Ok?

Cuz you need to learn your new Mama now.

Do it! You have no right to complain, be upset, mourn the loss, or anything that has to do with her. She out. And the new Mamas in. And what you think and feel does not matter.

Just be a good child and do what your new Mama says. Ok?

That’s Adoption for ya.

Thank God my Mama taught me to love my Mama. Because she knew it was sacred ground. And if she wanted a piece of my heart. She would have to understand that.

That’s why I can come here and type my feelings. Mama Jean got that and knew she would never loose again betting on me.

My Mama could never and will never be able to give me, or take from me what Mama Jean gave me.

It’s her love screaming through me chastising my Mama. She taught me to speak my mind. And to tell my truth even if folks don’t like it. She taught me to be honest and tell my truth even if it stinks.

Cuz she knows I am a sure thing. Why? Because I tell the truth. She can trust me. I show back up too, like she did for me. My Mama should know a woman who loves her daughter like that.

She and I have had our ups and downs. But we show up. She’s my best friend and I am hers.

And my Mama should be proud of a child like that. She did not teach me that. You can’t teach that. We chose to bond. We keep choosing to show up and show our love as best we can. She and I lost something’s along our way. We get grief. And we get that time is short, so do your best, be honest and show up.

Love you Mama Jean. I feel my heart expand each day I write my pain down. Because, you keep showing up and loving me even though. That is so precious to me. So precious.

Even more now. Because you chose to love me anyway and I did too. That’s strong love that chooses to do, not because of paper or laws, but because we chose too.

Despite Adoptions rules of conduct, I love you. A piece of Linda Marie love you!! And it’s about time she loves you too, like I have learned too. Xo.

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