I could stand up and be counted. I can weigh in. I can step up to the podium of the world and tell my experienced living as I have lived. I am the daughter of Linda Marie Halterman Brown. I am proud of that fact!! I do not understand why my Mama does not feel the same as me?
- What happened? To make my Mama not want me around?
- What and who made my Mama even believe that I could forget her and just go on and not look for her?
- Whom is telling her I am crazy? And who has counseled my Mama that I need psychiatric help? Show yourselves to me! Own your work. Because your gonna eat any words you speak against me, because I am your sister and you should o better than to treat me that way. Mama don’t take no shit, neither do I!
- Did my Daddy hurt her?
- Why did it not work out? What happened? I am most Interested in knowing the story. Every word.
- Mama? Why must I go through life without you? Why must I have to live like this when I have been trying to tell you I’m done. I want to come home. My heart in your heart home.
- Mama. You were not told correct information, because at the time, they truly just had faith it would just work. You trusted. And god sees that and has shown me. But, my dear Mama. I am your child still. Paper does not change what truly is, only for a time. I have integrated Mama Jean into my life. She could never replace YOU.
Adoption tells us, by mind controlling and intimidation, to submit to a certain adoption school of thought and comply with the status quo set before us.
I refuse to hold onto and practice an old way of being adopted. I stand up as an evolved child of this world. My Mama wanted me to be raised by the village. But Mama doesn’t realize or know what people have said about her while she was trusting Adoption to take care of me? I fought for her honor in a world so confused that people could even utter what was said to me about my Mama, kids repeating what their parents said about my Mama behind her back to my face! And I stood up for her. Yes. I did and do even now. Why? Cuz she ain’t there to set them straight? So baby girls got to do it while she’s away. So I need the story she has about it. Am I a fool for standing up for my Mamas? Well. Many have said I am. Many have told me to forget her. But I do not listen to them.
At the time, in 1963 my Mama had a damn good reason. Where she got to her conclusion I do not know. But the years have closed her down, made her small, and caused her to fear her very own child. God has not given her a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. But she must believe that. Scriptures is no good unless practiced.
That my Mama called me up and basically said I was practicing ever fruit of the flesh is so upsetting. I know she was not at home. So who guided her to call and throw the Bible at her baby girl? Who? God? Or maybe a sister? Who’s fueling this mindset? Who’s exploiting my Mamas fear for their own gain? Hmmmm?
Look at this picture. I am still that girl just wanting to make my Mamas proud and to stand up and make it right for my Mamas.
Both my Mamas have lost children. Two losses can make a find, when I get these two lady’s together, they will both see the gain. They will.
And I’m gonna lead them to that place. Because lady’s, Mamas, I have a dream too. K? Me. Yeah. Your baby girl has a dream too. You got yours for a time, now give me mine. I’ve been MORe than patient.
Full circle is my closure. Full disclosure is my closure. And my Mama does not know herself like she thinks. Her Recipe is off. Why? Because she’s forgotten to include me, I am in the mix and need to be in the mix because I am her daughter. A sister too. Full of love.
And yes, angry at hell my Mamas struggle to get what I am saying and want. I am angry at Adoptions lies and rules. I am angry my Mama was lied to and not ready for my return. Because that’s not like Mama. Ok? My Mamas got her shit together. Or like to. But adoptions so off she got slapped in the face with a past she thought was gone, forever, and a child that wants to come home.
That’s pretty messed up. My Mama thinks I messed it all up! Thanks Adoption. Thanks.