- That precisely what I am speaking up about. I get it. Some woman got knocked up. She's not happy about it. And feels a mistake has been made. Surely I am not supposed to raise this child I made, and up steps Adoption saying," Here little lady, let me remove that rain on your life."
- But what Adoption does not take into consideration is the feelings of the child. Adoption does not research the full affect because they don't know what they are looking for. How could anyone thats not been adopted know what it's like? They don't know. They have never had it happen.
- Adoption says taking a perfectly good baby, and to give it to someone the child has never met! Like hello guys! We don't even do that with the kids we raise! We get names, numbers, addresses, and we have a meet and greet before we allow our kids to go play at another's house. This is why adoption is so ludicrous. My Mamas have never met. And it's all over now. The damage is done. Thank god I am strong willed, I'll say that.
- I did not feel loved more! I felt loved less. I felt cast away. I felt thrown away. I felt sick. I was sick about it. The world told my Mama it was ok to just go. And I needed her. Back then. And I was spun out inside where no one could see. And no one could read the signs. Because no one was really looking for signs. No one wanted to go there. No one wanted to think that maybe I was homesick?
- Adoption took me from my tribe. And threw me into the streets. I grew up in a well known family. I am grateful they were public figures. I learned accountability early. I learned responsibility as well. When your Mama abandons you, you try harder to do the best with the new one, so she won't leave either. Mama Jean was called home on numerous occasions, movies, etc.., by this inconsolable child when she was out of sight. I know why.
- Adoption shook my whole foundation to my core. It through me Into the lions deb of who am I? If I came from someone who could do this to me ? I better figure it out Nd never do this to my children. But adoption left a scare on me. And my kids would be affected by it. And that angers me. It's like your disabled and don't know it because no one knows your Mama and they've always known you to be like this. And of course adoption says your just fine.
- Adoption tries to protect us. But adoption does not protect us from no show, dead beat Mamas and daddy's. It just shines a bright light on it that shows a note that says, (your family is fucked up! Your Mama is broken) But many adopted people do adopted their own children away. So it keeps the detachment going and going and going. Adoption has hit my family twice now. Maybe even three times by the way my kids acting.
- Adoption says it's helping kids. I would like to say that adoption is helping people. But I will say this, Adoption is helping itself to your money, your dreams, and your family. After adoption gets through with you you'll be another person. And the child you relinquished will not be living a better life, they will be living a different one. And it's difficult for many of us to let go. Excuse us for wanting the Mamas we were sent too.
- Adoption did not make me comfortable, more loved, more anything except homesick. Adoption is not comfortable. It is mans design. But, Would I change my life now? Hell no. I feel going through adoption has shown me a perspective that unless you go through it you just have no contexts to even wrap your brain around what Adoptees go through, trying to figure out why the world is so conflicted about Adoption. People say they love it to your face, with words. And then people show you with their actions what they really think, and tell what they really think when they think you can't hear.
- Adoptions says it saves. What has Adoptions saved? Let's see? Has adoption saved face? Well, after your child finds you, no. Has adoption saved time? Well, not really, when your child comes home there is all that catching up. So no.
- Has adoption saved lives?
- The Adoption-Suicide Connection
McCauley Evans describes three reasons for the disproportionately high percentage of adoptee suicides: 1) Adoption – or more precisely the separation from one’s mother – is a trauma. 2) Adoptees lack a complete and accurate, up-to-date medical history which may include depression, or even suicide. 3) Adoptees don’t want to upset their adoptive parents with concerns about depression or anything that could be seen as ingratitude, including normal, healthy curiosity about their roots.
The odds of a reported suicide attempt were 4 times greater in adoptees compared with nonadoptees (odds ratio: 4.23). After adjustment for factors associated with suicidal behavior, the odds of reporting a suicide attempt were reduced but remained significantly elevated (odds ratio: 3.70). (Keyes, et al., Pediatrics online, Sept. 9, 2013)
Sweden reports 95% of Adoptees adept suicide and succeed. This is an alarming rate!! One is to many for me.
So, no, adoption save 5% of lives. That's not really what I classify as saving lives. Ok? We can do better than that.
I would like to reiterate that I have no personal Ill will that I am aiming towards any one person. It is difficult to get ones feelings out. These feelings and emotions attached to people and events pertaining to my life, have been swirling around and around for years trying to find an answer that fit and would lay this overwhelming feeling to subside.
Closure means to me.
All ducks in a row.
All items checked.
All person accounted for
All words said
And an undying goal to be understood.
So that I can be at peace
Knowing my Mama, got my message.
The one God sent me to give her
My undying love
My undying loyalty to her as one my most respected leaders
My undying love for Mama Jean as well
My commitment to them
And my commitment to my siblings to be the best sister I know how to be, and to be open always for criticism and correction so that one can always be better each time. Just remember who my Mama is too. I may get upset at first. But I will get it.
Being myself. Which means the me that has grown from all this I tell.
This does feel like a wound. A wound that can not heal. And Ive seen the pain in my Mamas eyes. She has one too. And I feel strongly that it is our separation.
Let me tell you a story. The other day I was at a funeral for a friend who had passed to soon as far as we all were concerned. And I spoke with many folks that day. But this one woman I know said to me something so striking, and I believe when that happens, and it's usually a message there for me. It's kind of like that for me. God talking, pay attention belinda. And what she said, was so true. We were talking about our kids. And she about her son, who lives in another state. She said he'd had some illness that she kind of intuitively knew was there. She warned him about getting it looked into. And he ended up having surgery. She said," I just have a really strong Motherly instinct" that stood out to me. I thought, "yeah?"
Instincts. And then she said, " i can only go 6 months without seeing him". I thought oh! My Mamas way over due. That could be some of our issue.
My Mamas been fighting her natural urge to Mother me for years! She signed her right away! And stood by her decision. And she doesn't get the idea that I have rescinded that previous agreement by finding her. I made contact and the contract has been dissolved. But she seems to be holding onto the previous agreements standards. And with me back in her life? The standards have changed. I change it all.
I want to have some fun with my Mama before it's to late. And we have to fight like this, in front of God and everyone? Well ok. If I've got to come here to make a point. Ok. My love knows no bounds and ain't nothing gonna stay in the way of this love. No fears. No nightmares. No lies. No enemies of a love so deep.
Mama sent me to love another lady that needed it. And that makes you dig deep. It makes you have to channel love. But I channeled new love for Mama Jean. I never channeled Mamas love to her. Mama's love has stayed in the bank of my heart and is banging and yelling to be let out, so it can go to the woman I have loved since the day I began to live inside her body. What we call, Mama.
Adoption said, many things. But nothing made me forget her, nor hate her, and only made me miss her.
Adoptees and their families need to heal. Meaning, come together as the family they are, with the adoptive parents too. If we do this for the kids. Then let's do this for the adults they become. Consistency folks. It's key.
Thanks for diving, and trying to keep up with me today.