Hey. I am proud of my Mama.

I mean. She's lived. Maybe she's not been proud of it all. It seems that may be true by the ways she acts. But you know? I am proud of her for holding her ground. You know. To the original decision. That takes grit. I love her for learning and growing as much as she can. I love that she teaches cooking classes at an obscure church in America and ministers to them with food.
She truly is someone to took too for wisdom. I've struggled on how to approach someone of her caliber. What gift can I bring? What would God show me to Give to such a lady? See this is a love story. Mine and hers.
I have exposed all the things that people have said about her over the years. I have given words to what she knew, but no one says it to your face. Do those peoples words take away from who she is? Well it takes a bit of navigating to get through. Some of the things people say hit Your heart pretty bad.
Like,"your Mom doesn't care about you"
I've told kids at school to watch and see. She will Show up.
Is the world trying to tell me my Mamas
Broken and does not know how to support me? She's just not my Mama
Because she signed some paper and now
My genetics are changed and I am one with this family. My genetic did not change. I was my Mamas child. And I acted like it. That made it hard. I was loyal to her. I learned to trust Mama Jean. But inside me. I was my Mama daughter and surely their had been a mistake and she would realize it and come get me. That was not true for me.
What was true for me was I had a Mama. And she was gone somehow. And I was told as soon as I could understand. 3. That I was adopted. Which began to explain many things for me that I had felt already. I now had a name for what had caused me many of my uneasy feelings and such that were at times hard to experience. These feelings would come
Crashing through the overlay of my situation and cause me distress that I did not feel supported enough to discuss with my new family because my Mama left me and that shock my trust to my core in a world that allows this practice to continue without proper review.

But yeah. I am proud of my Mama. She needs to celebrated. And for credit to be counted for her efforts to give me better than she thought she was. Thanks Mama.

I've missed you. Everyday.

I would never harm you in a physical way.

And I am not harming you. You just got attached to some ideas that just were not true for us.

What's so amazing is to be able to say I am proud of you. It's amazing to be able to be honest with you. To be myself. Even if you were gone. This is what I would say.

I make it right. And expose those who are ignorant and I educate them. My Mama sure does not need to run into that shit. They better love her like I do. And give her a whole
Lot of credit for raising me so well that I would tell everyone.
She's so amazing she can take the truth. It's not easy when the boomerang comes back. But if we are ready, we catch it. If not. It hits us. I am my Mamas
Boomerang.

But honey! This part of you is amazing and everyone need to know about it. And will. Through me.

My Dad and Mama made a good thing in me.

And I work to integrate what has been removed and invisible to me. My Mama has been my muse for my whole life. I've lived this life for her because that's what she wanted.

All I want now is to be able to full be who I have been since I got here. Her kid.

I am tired of this game you all have played with what I love most. I want my Mama back.

If this is a cry. And you think me weak. Well I don't care. I've finally found my tongue. And want my Mama in my life.

Now while their is still time.

Did you get that?
Have I made myself clear yet?

Or shall I just keep going like a gong. On and on?

I can? I've got time left. I can spend it here typing? Or I can spend it with my Mama and sisters like God sent me back too.

Thanks for diving deep with me.

It's dark in here. But I'll light the way so you can see. Xo

This is Real Adoption awareness

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