I’ve waited long enough

For my Mama to see that my love has always been hers. I've circled her life and watched from afar as she has chosen to avoid me, to
Block me, to be angry at me, to try to
Brush me and shew me away. That does not sound like the actions of a sane and balanced woman. No indeed.

  • And from my observing of my Mamas responses to my words, I've seen right past her smoke screen that hides her ugly truth.
  • She's mad at herself and that's not why I came, or came back.
  • Simply said, I came to love her. And if she can't see that, I must show her.
  • A love like I have within me is strong love. My parents had some kind of strong connection because I feel strongly about her.

Not even 54 years of living and life could drown out the love I have for her. Not even her own actions,subconscious as they may be, that try to drive me away, can extinguish the love God gave me for her. And she who, I rail at her for hate sake? It's a mess. my Mamas acting real strange. And my sisters seem to be used to it?
My
Mama says I act strange. I say yes, of course I do, another woman raised me. She say I need professional help, I say yes, I need you. She, still believes she does not have the power God gave her the day I was conceived, which is to be who she is, my Mama. That. Is strange and I mean to get to the bottom of it. My Mama should be happy I am back. Sad yes cuz I went through a lot. Yeah. I'm sad for her too. She had to miss it all. But I am glad for this time. But things need some cleaning around here. And my Mamas mind and heart are first on my list.
She needs a major clean out. And for some of this love I've been saving. I know. It's what the divine physician prescribed, because I found her. If God did not want me to find her? God would not have lead me straight to her. It's that simple.
And as time rolls by and the clocks is ticking. I realized that this was my shot. This is my only shot to win her over and deliver my message of love. And I'm going to the top of this internet and I am shouting it.
Mama, I love you. I've always loved you. And I will always love you.
Sure. We had a few things wrong. But there is no need to loose hope. I've not given up. With God also things are possible. God see this mess here. And I know God will lead us both home. To each other again after he's taught us what this is, and helped us to grow from it and not fight Gods tough love.
The truths I have spoken are no more. They are the thoughts and feelings shared by the part of me that experienced them. And as you can clearly see I am well and do in fact have all my mental faculties. And my Mama needs to talk to me about this so bad she denies she does. Cuz it hurts like fucking shit. That's the point my truth points at as we see her reactions. And I surely am not going to go on idly as my Mama suffers in a room full of family that can't even understand what she has been through.
I won't leave her even if she tells me too. Even if my own sister slams the door after ordering my Mama into the house. No. This daughters loyal to her Mama. I don't give up on my Mamas.
My Mama should be proud of me. I'm one of the first to speak up and out. I mean there are not a lot of us speaking out. And those of that are speaking out are getting some shit. I have gotten shit from even Adoptees. I've posted the things my own people have said behind closed chat room doors on Facebook. That shits real.
My Mama should be relieved that I am speaking up as her child who went through it, so that children all over the world can have a better, safer, more autonomous lives.

Having to go through all the secrecy and lacking of my informations, made me frustrated. Yes. Who would not be upset if they lost all of their affects and did not even know who they came from? People take what they have for granted. People who have not lost their families have no reference to pull from and don't have any idea how quick life can change.
We the adoptees do.
And we care about what we lost. Even if the world says they are dumb, lousy, or unfit. We care that the world did nothing to help them.
You. Should care too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s