Facebook post from August 4, 2015

Wow! I am on the phone with my B mom right now. I will post the conversation. I have been on the phone now for 3 hours. And she put me on speaker. Now she's talking to my sister. And I just don't know. What the fuck is going on up there. They say I am crazy. But who does this? Like seriously folks. This shit goes down for Adoptees, people are thinking some crazy shit. And when you tell them it's not the truth, they try to throw you away. What do we have in a lopsided triad? IF my truth is not important to you, well, ok. It is hard to hear. yes, well, at least she can let me stay on the line, she didn't hang up. How can Chelsie accept me if my own Mother can not? I mean really folks. This is a new thought folks, for you. But it's time you all knew. How can we be better if we refuse to listen to what happened? How can we find the good if we don't first start with what we have. I have a lot of pain from ignorance about it and how it really felt, and she's so hung up with it. I guess it is ugly. And I cried for weeks when I finally realize she really didn't want me?

  • This is a post from 2015. When I finally flipped the lid off it all. My Mama called me and just snapped. She put the phone down on the toilet and left me on speaker phone. As if I was some creature she had found and needed help! She left me like that until my sister showed up. So sad. I called my Mama and she just could take it.
  • My sister came over and I could hear my Mama saying," she's just talking and I don't know what to do? My sister didn't know what to do either. They eventually hung up on me.
  • It's was the strangest phone conversation ever.
  • Mama could wrap her brain around it. And my sister was absolutely no help. All that book reading and shed never considered reading about me so she could help out Mama? Adoption. Again.
  • There are so many feelings I felt as I write this post. And my sentences are wonky and off. But that's what I am showing you. How it upset me so bad I struggle to find my words. And obviously my Mama does too.
  • My truth is hard to hear by a woman who was lied too. Yep. Sure is hard when your daughter has to be the one to wake the whole family up. But just remember. Your hearing and reading it, I lived it and rose above it to speak about it. Ok? That takes moxy.
  • Slammed doors don't change a thing and only show a camp that's not prepared for the return of one of theirs. Adoptions lies again. Slammed doors show ignorance and an inability to cope and adjust. Educational the only way out of that hell hole.
  • Two years since that post. And I am working like a dog to put the context into my Mama's Mind so she can adjust. It's been a long time since she held me in her arms. And it's time she have that again from the one she left so long ago.

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