I mean life as I have known it is gone. After watching my family act the way they have, I am done. And when I am done. I am done. But walking away is not in my tool
What is in my tool
Box is the honest to goodness truth. And I imagine if I keep blogging the same thing over and over like a dripping faucet. As I and my brave fellow adoptees break our silence, a new day is dawning for us all.
And that day, is our future. It is going to take work to succeed. I do feel that their are enough folks who get the bigger picture beyond our own lives. And we have a collective vision for a better tomorrow. For children and parents.
My Mama. Did the best she could
Back them. I see that.
My Question is: what are we (meaning my family and I) going to do now? Because we are just blowing out the carbon on this baby. And I feel we need to take our relationship for a spin around the block. Let's. Show the world what we all are made off. And educate each other. Do the work to have the amazing addition to our dunnhAnd educate folks about what it truly means to us all who are called adopted.
Let us educate our Mama's about this candy cupcake land that is a farce and does not give better, lives to us their children. It just gives us different parents and experiences that, are forced to be lived without our previous parents.
We need to shift this gear here and look and see the rights of the child have been violated. And I am 54 now. So I've watch a lot of it. And from the view point my Mama gave me. This thing stinks.
I smell a rat. Or the devil in sheep's clothing leading woman and families array. My families astray for sure. I was astray for god sake. And my Mama was lead to lead me astray. Adoptions got may rules and regulations. And most of them profit the industry
we call Adoption.
Another question is this:
Are you all so emotionally tied to the things I say? Like. I care about you if I tell
You negative feedback. I want better for us all. And I feel it's is our only way. Living without my family is to hard on my emotions. Because I miss them.
And to see my sisters just go on like business as usual when their sister found her way
Home is mind boggling to me. Like I have felt like a ghost that haunts them. It's like they are frozen in a mindset that does not Include me, Their own sister. What sister does that? Mine.
That's hard to face.
That just does not cut the mustard for this. I guess my family has forgotten about our Mama's wild side. I can see they need a refresher to jog their memory. I am not to be trifled with. Meaning. Um. I don't back down.
My Mama want respect from me. As if my truth disrespects her. It does not. I feel that I lifts her value up in a world where Mamas are not truly appreciated. If my Mama thinks I don't appreciate her sacrifice. She's crazy for sure and needs to stop going to whomever she is going to and save her money.
Fire away Mama! Give it to me! Let me have it. Your truth in words. This silent treatments not educating me at all. Words. I need words from you to describe where your head space is at. So I can adjust to you as well.
A lot has happened through the years to both of us. Much water has passed under our bridge. I feel your heart through this rough spot of our road of life. I j ow it hurts like hell right now. And you feel like I just sucker punched you. I get that. I surely did not want to sucker punch you. But my truth is in regards to the sucker punch of coming into this world that could allow you to do such a thing. To guide you in an ignorant way. I struggled and having to leave my Mama to even have a chance
And if you feel I don't get it? Will you please just tell me. Like why must I have to read your mind and do so much work to get you to tell me the stories. Asking does not work. Being patient does not work. Writing letters, poetry and picking 30 flowers for you, cuz I was away and could not give them to you.
I've saved my love for you. I've saved my affections for you as well. And my Mama's being together and talking brings balance to this lopsided circus act here. It's time we step up and out of the boxes Adoptions at the time deemed appropriate.
But it's 2017. Mama's need respect. And this shits gotta come out. Cuz folks need to see. Our Mama's did their best. Some where strong enough to keep their jobs. And some let their jobs go to others. It none of these Mama's ever lost her place as a Mama. They just left the seat open for whoever to raise their precious gifts. And in turn lost the chance to open them and see the blessings that lay within the relationship between Mama and child.
Why is that so bad? I know I suck at this. Hello? It's my first reunion. And it sucks like this. And I feel we can do better. All of us.
Mama- that you keep turning me away. And you don't truly listen to me until the end without defending yourself. Mama. I've been defending your honor for years. And it time I call out the bully like things folks say about you, me and Mama Jean. Ok? I am on your side.
Mama Jeans on your side. See? She's been loving me for 54 years. Your baby. That's agape love. And just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean I hate you. I am upset you were told all that stuff that I know is not true. For me that is. I saw it, felt it differently. Why is that bad? Is it not honorable to have an honest child? Who speaks frankly? Even if the truth they speak is hard to hear.
Would you not rather I tell you the truth? Instead of lying about it and pretending it was ok.
It's not. Change needs to happen.
And I am waving my freak flag for all it's worth. Which is a lot to me. And I am speaking out. I am breaking rank with Adoption as we knew it. And I am showing folks what it does to families for real. Look at us. A mess. What the hell has Adoption done for us? But just turn back the clock to make us feel a perceived failure has been erased. It's only delayed the inevitable.
Babies return to their Mama's.
Like birds fly south.
Babies grow up quick.
And fight for Mama's honor.
Surely she got a good reason
When I find her she'll explain
And maybe we will weep
And mourn one last time.
Because you've received a delivery from the almighty himself/herself
And she's really excited about letting the old all go.
And she's for long talk and long walks to catch up and make memories where pain used to hangout.
We've made it full circle.
Lets clasp our hand together
And cinch up the tear.
Mama's matter to babies
Let's cut the crap and get real
Adoptions a joke
And conceptions no shame
This world meant to tear us apart
But weeds grow where ever the seeds drop.
And they climb all
Over what is around them.
Drawing it together.
Connecting us more to the other.
Those Who are labeled Adopted. It's time. For us to speak freely about what mattered most growing up. Change can only come after education. Change is implementation of a concept learned. When we know better, we do better.
So. mama's of mine. I love ya. You just missed one thing. What would I think and feel about all this? Or maybe you did think about it, but just made the decision to do it anyway.
This is stream of consciousness. I have not edited it. This is what I think and where I go. Trying to figure this
Shit out. And yes. It's shit. If my Mama are like this? Adoption was not my friend. And is not my friend if after all these years, I, the adopted have wants too that should be considered by those who claimed to do this for my higher good.
Thanks for reading these salty words I spew from a belly full of lies that made me sick to my stomach.