I e told my story to many people along my journey. I've told of my triumph in finding my Mama and sisters. I've told the stories about finding my Dad. And I marvel at the mixed bag of responses to all the twisted turns.
- Some people get angry at my family and Mama. (I have to calm them down and explain) that my family just doesn't know better. I have to teach them.
- Some folks get real sad and even cry. One girl burst into tears when I told her I was adopted. Like wow! Took me back. That response made me look at myself and my struggles deeper within me. And to see that she validated my pain. Pain I was unable to express at the time because it was shoved so deep within me, I had forgotten they were there. But God remember. Thank you very much lord. Let's clean house.
- Some folks told me to forget my Mama. She didn't love me. She was selfish and not worth my time. I was worth more than her. ( like seriously folks) that one shocked me every time and angered me more. How dare people tell me to forget my Mama. Would they do what they tell me to their Mama? Well. Probably so. They said it. Not me.
- Some adoptee reek of fear and shame. There is a look they give you when you go thereabouts their family that says to me, I'm not ready yet to go there. I still don't feel safe here. Not even with you my brother or sister in this adoption nightmare. I can't hang out with you your adopted and others will find out. I can't bare the shame.
A lot of people have felt sorry for me. That's a fun energy to deal with. Oh. Thanks. That helps a lot. It really made it better. Not. But I look at why pity came through them. What were they really saying? And I saw it there.
My mama didn't see her gift and they did, I was right there talking to them. My Mama was missing the show of a lifetime by opting out on being proud to be my Mama. And they mourned our loss and everyone's loss when a woman does not take the station dealt to her. And for me. So clear to see, loving here from the place she sent me. I was blooming where I was planted, but my daddy was a wanderer. Which made me a wandering Jew. That's a plant that grows long and climbs all over. I had one one time. Lovely plant.
This is the flip side of the adoption coin from the veiw and perspective of a child who grew up and bares the mark of adopting sting upon her. Like a brand. Or a label.
I am pulling no punches because that's how it was served up to me. If you can't take it? Your very free to go. I'm not gonna sprinkle sugar on it when no one sprinkle sugar on mine.
It's hard. There is no way to soften the blow. This was and is my reaction to this. I'm showing you. How I see it from my view has I experience it. My feedback counts towards the higher good if spoken in truth. My feedback counts as experiential research. I felt it. I remember it. I report it.
Your view is different. Yes. Adoptees can chime in. They have earned the right. But if your not adopted just read and learn. K. We never know how someone is going to take something like this happening to them. We can hypothesis, but only the one in the ring can tell the tail of how it truly was in the ring.
I feel if folks can't read or hear bad feedback, it's all over here. Because feedback is crucial to this planets evolution and all life on it. Without proper feedback a bat gets lost. Without proper feedback many animals can not navigate. We go in circles when we don't take the negative with the positive feedback. This world is give and take. Many give it. But can't take it and we all need to give and take it. I need my Mama's feedback. Even if ya negative. Two negatives make a positive in math? Our negatives can turn our situation into a lovely positive if we will work to get our feedback to the other? Anyone getting this?
We need to talk it through. Keep coming back and working. No bouncing when it's rough cuz someone's gonna have to clean it up and do the work and it's lazy to leave out messes for others to clean up. Like family secrets and shames. God does have a plan. This is what we have now. But with folks sharing their side, we all will win in the end if we faint not.