But. What Adoption does not teach is blending, autonomy, flow, continuity and reunions.
Adoption sends children out into a world with dead ends and frustrations.
What I wonder is why folks can't see that?
And as I wonder, I know the answer is that we have not told them what we the children who have lived through being adopted.
We are people. Who have been forced to blend by a modality that traps us into lives that lack many things that most children take for granted, like their Mama's.
I appreciate my Mamas. I appreciate what can be appreciated. But ignorance is not one of them. And to willingly stay ignorant is upsetting to find out about your Mama. And I get why. Out of sight. Out of mind.
But that's the thing. I am in her mind. Buried alive by lies she swallowed and I want out. I want to be who I really am. A daughter
Who just wants her Mama. And has all the time in the world to explain myself until she understands.
Adoption is like death, except all parties are just buttoned alive by a system that can't live without ignorant people who don't know the value of a Mama.
Blend. We must mix. We must tell the truth so we can understand each other's journey and why we act like we do. I can take crazy. Crazy is the life of this adoptee. Nothing has made sense since my Mama left. So. All I want is her story about it so I can settle
Down about it.
Why is that so much to ask? I've basically been inconsolable for years, I just never told anyone. Why? No one knew how to help? Because all I wanted was my crazy Mama back.
Adoption does not allow that. You have to play by Adoptions rules. Which are strict. Confining and controlling.
Adoptions told my Mama some lies. So she would stay away from me. Adoption is abusive. Adoption is an intimidating bully. It's made my Mama give me away.
I am not sure why folks are not upset by that? They love their Mama's. Would folks want adoption to lie to their Mama's and do that to them? But they don't even know how it feels. So folks just don't care until it hits them in the ass.
That's why I speak. No one should feel what I felt at two days old with no words to articulate it.
And I know everyone was doing their best. But without knowing how it felt to me the child, how could they know I would take it so hard?